Dear Aphrodite, I’m 62 years old and at last putting an end to a marriage in which I was lied to and emotionally abused. I’ve been through loneliness and self-doubt – and it’s not over, as I haven’t divorced yet. I’m an addict in recovery since 2005, a translator, poet, meditator and I love astrology. I wonder if I still can find what we are all looking for: peace of mind, fulfillment, a loving companion. I’m doing the best I can, but sometimes it doesn’t seem enough. I love you, my dear 9th house Aphrodite-Venus.
Dear Maria, First, congratulations for deciding to leave an abusive and deceptive marriage. I’m so sorry for what you have endured, and can see that this separation is painful. With transiting Chiron conjunct, and Saturn square, your Venus right now (this is well within orb through the rest of 2017), it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but have FAITH and TRUST it will come.
Faith is essential for your ninth house Pisces Venus. It is the only way to proceed. You mentioned loneliness and self-doubt. Doubt is the opposite of faith. Understand the dangers of self-doubt. It pokes holes in your energy field. It’s the tiny hole in your bike tire that imperceptibly but eventually flattens the entire thing till you can’t get anywhere. Doubt of self, or of your capacity to create the future you want, is corrosive –not just to your future fulfillment but the emotional instability prevents you from moving beyond your current state.
Loneliness is natural, and so is giving your self a little time to grieve what you thought this marriage was, for what it turned out to be. But don’t reach for self-doubt during times of loneliness. Like your old favorite drug, your habit of self-doubt will only weaken you (not your divorce!– even though the world will give you 100% permission to view it as the source of your pain and use as an excuse to reinforce feelings of victimhood – it is not).
Consider this: You’ve done nothing wrong, and you won’t in the future, either. There’s no way for you to screw your life up- unless you look at your life and say “You know what, deep down in my soul I know what I need but I’m going to do the opposite thing and screw it up.” Even then, the Universe has your back and will find a way to give you the highest, most beneficial, loving realization of that experience. Spirit is with you 100% of the time, guiding you to the perfect experiences and people that are of maximum benefit for your healing, integration, happiness and fulfillment. It’s thinking otherwise that’s causing you pain.
Know that it’s the habit of the Ego to be self-punishing when we don’t measure up to our own, or others’, standards. Know that it’s the habit of Ego to say that if we haven’t accomplished this or that by the time we’re xx years that we’re failures or it just won’t happen. That’s total baloney. It’s our thinking keeps us separate from the experience of oneness, peace, joy, love and bliss – not the thing we think we should have, but don’t. Negative reinforcement never brings about positive results.
Deep breath…You’ve done nothing wrong. Forgive your self. Love your self.
The inner fullness you seek is not some distant experience to be had when your list of conditions are met. Peace of mind, fulfillment, love… Everything you want is already yours right now, in this moment. Tune into that. This inner state you get to experience no matter who is, or isn’t, in your life, and that’s real happiness. Align with your Divinity and your ninth house Pisces Venus will soar to new heights!