Ask the Oracle – April 10, 2013

I was born on March 17, 1970. For the last year transformation is happening and at this point I’m still positive but the search for my passion is really difficult. I live in Maryland though I was born in South America. I would thank you if you could provide any information that would guide me toward my dream job. I am too sweet (also a type 1 diabetic). At this point in my life I have Cobra, a partner, a car and a condo but I am not inspired by these benefits…like a rebirth would be perfect at this point starting from zero. Thanks to you and Grandma Moon for supporting your visions. OM. (CM)

The gifts and blessings of your Sun in Pisces are apparent in your life through your home, partner, car and health insurance yet you also describe the angst of a Pisces longing for a meaningful purpose, a means to give back in the world. What is your mission in this life? This is the question that tickles and troubles you. Naturally you would focus on your spiritual path since transiting Neptune, the ruler of your Sun/authentic self, moved into Pisces last year for its 14 year stay though it will not reach the degree of you Sun/Mercury for many years.

Last fall as transiting Saturn, life’s timer, moved into Scorpio beginning its opposition to your natal Saturn, you feel the pressure of time moving forward demanding that you question where you have been for the last 15 years, where you are now and where you going for the next 15 years. It is time for Saturnian reflection, assessment and decisions, serious choices. Saturn is the co-ruler of your career house clearly stating that your spiritual path is also your career. I am sure you appreciate how blessed you are yet you are quite right to feel that nothing out there answers these soul questions or comforts you as you seek to find your path forward. Venus which rules your chart is receiving a conjunction from transiting Uranus in Aries as transiting Uranus opposes its natal position which is the reason you feel the need for a rebirth, a new birth is the work of Uranus.  In addition to Uranus transiting your Venus, transiting Pluto is also squaring your Venus this year intensifying the depth, meaning, painful struggle toward  and necessity for you to rebirth your awareness, career, and life path.

Your Saturn transit will be complete in late August while transiting Jupiter will trine your natal Saturn in July leading to career opportunities later this summer. Both your Uranus and Pluto aspects will continue into 2014, know that this rebirth will unfold in stages. Your mission now is to get started. But what is that dream job or, at least, how can you begin to move toward that work. Notice that your Midheaven, the career angle, is Aquarius, its rulers in the 5th and 12th houses, therefore, your new career must be creative, able to affect the people you work with and serve, must be in alignment with your deepest beliefs, and impactful in the world which brings together your 5th, 11th, 12th house positions. I would suggest utilizing this time to volunteer someplace doing work you believe in while you seek a non-profit or small organization, 11th house planets, to begin your new career. Currently your progressed Moon is in your career house supporting you working with people and organizations who are seeking to impact the world positively. Working soon will allow Neptune to inspire your inner guidance as it magically connects you to the people, places and timing for your dream work.

I had recurrent nightmares as a child, two of which I remember quite well. They later diversified, multiplied, and then stopped, only to be replaced by dreams of an already familiar weirdness but of less grandeur. In many of these nightmares I witnessed the end of the world which I survived only once. As a child I would cry then wake up. Later I dreamt of the sea, killer waves, earthquakes and explosions. I have died in my dreams many times and in many ways. I fear the end of the world. I once thought I would get over it so I kept it hidden for a very, very long time. As the nightmares ceased, the world out there gradually took their place handing me innumerable proofs of its fragility. Since 1999 I have been expecting its end which seems to be just around the corner for as soon as one tragedy ends another one begins. I know life has its ups and downs; I know we are here to learn certain things; I know things change…but here’s the tricky thing. Though I KNOW these truths, I FEEL differently. I have tried reasoning my way out of this fear but there is no way to heal when you cannot feel.

I think I’ve felt enough, now I want to heal. I was always an “ideal child”…a straight A student, loved by my family and friends, getting along with everyone except my mother who was bold, independent and nonconformist. Now I realize the many, many gifts my mother gave me guiding me toward my North Node. My life has been good, blessed but I’ve have kept many things hidden; not so long along they came bubbling out, my existential malaise. I’m in a vicious circle and I can’t break free. I’m still not comfortable with myself though I have stopped blaming myself, punishing myself for not doing everything well enough, and improving my relationship with myself. Astrology has helped me immensely. I’ve begun this new journey of mine in January 2012. I am now sure that this is what I wish to do with my life. Could Saturn in Scorpio be the cause of my nightmares and fears because now I fear the world even more? I need to understand which is why I am asking for help. It’s my heart that has been broken to pieces. Something I can’t get over is nailing me to the floor but I cannot say what it is. I guess I have been doing too much thinking, too little living. I want to live each day as if there are a few more to come. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. I’ve learned that some people have everything except for a peaceful inner life…I am one of them. What do I need to change about myself so that I can feel better?  I was born July 30, 1987 in Europe. Thank you deeply for your time and consideration. I couldn’t make my letter shorter. (In order to respond to this letter, I did edit it while carefully including the salient issues.) TD

Bless Astrology for the wisdom, comfort and guidance it has provided you, me and so many in our troubled world. It is truly a gift to have found Astrology and spiritual wisdom to initiate you into a life of awareness rather than to live and die never knowing why you have been dreaming, feeling and being broken. Your chart shows an initial tug of war between the more traditional side of yourself, Saturn rising, the Moon in Virgo and the Sun in Leo conjunct Venus. Of course, you are “ideal”, beloved, caring and cared for, an A student, blessed and grateful, yet, your Sun/Venus/Mars conjunction in Leo is in Scorpio’s 8th house squaring your natal Pluto, both Uranus and Neptune are in your 1st house and your Moon is conjunct your Midheaven. The conventional versus deep perception, hard working versus broken by feeling and blessed versus troubled, this is the tension awakening you.

Powerful 8th house, Pluto positions are often troubled and gifted by dreams of one’s own shadow fears, deaths, tragedies and catastrophes which either break them or transform them into healers, agents of transformation in the world. The first responsibility of these positions is to heal and transform yourself which you are currently dedicated to achieving. Focus on understanding your fears, worries and need to understand with your mind as both true and defensive needs of your Virgo Moon and Saturn rising. For now, stop watching CNN or other news media who immerse us in one tragedy after another replaying painful images, discussing how bad it all is as they exclude most of the good news, heroic acts and green shoots of the new world rising. Search for the positive news and people who are all around us. As truly tragic and troubled as the world is now, we are on the cusp of the Aquarian Age, new and more humane time in which you will play a role that you are now preparing to play.

Note that your progressed Sun/Moon/Mercury/Venus/Mars are now all in your 9th house of spiritual seeking and life purpose. This is your time to study, learn, listen and grow into the wisdom which will support your understanding, your inner peace and your work in the world as all of these planets eventually progress into your 10th house of career. Trust your wise guidance to cease thinking so much, trying to understand with your mind in order to live, find joy, love, fill your heart with trust and faith. I can say from decades of experience that you can live feeling the pain of the world, loving the world as it births its next consciousness and understanding as much we can understand while we are in this form. This unfolds gradually endlessly reminding us to be humble in our awareness that we do not and cannot understand the purpose of it all as life evolves.

As Jupiter moves into your 7th house this spring, you will meet more like-minded people which will be comforting. As transiting Saturn completes its current conjunction to your natal Pluto and squares to your natal Sun/Venus/Mars over the next year, you will feel much clearer as you develop the resources internally and externally to live productively in this world as it is. Remember that your natal Saturn trines your natal Sun/Venus/Mars providing the strength to build a healthy, meaningful life without ceasing to feel. You will find a productive use for your dreams and visions. Continue to study Astrology, pursue your innate wisdom through your 9th house Moon which will aid you in channeling your over active mind into compassionate action, and know that you can break out through your natal Moon square Uranus; not only through Astrology but through the bold, independent qualities you inherited from your mother’s example. Both you and the world will get better.

About Julia Bondi

Julia Bondi began her study of Astrology and Metaphysics in 1973. Julia has been an accomplished counseling astrologer, intuitive, teacher and writer for more
than 30 years. With degrees in clinical psychology and esoteric philosophy Julia brings insight, clarity and caring to her work. As a seeker, intuitive and teacher Julia draws her wisdom and dedication to spirituality from her moon rising on her ascendant, her 12th house stellium in Gemini and her Pisces midheaven. Julia can be contacted by email.