Dear Aphrodite, How do I get over my fears of rejection and abandonment, so that I can make deeper connections with others? – Carissa
Dear Carissa, None of us ever really “gets over” our abandonment and rejection fears. We just get more skillful at co-existing with them, to the point that they’re no longer in the driver seat making choices for us. While you may, due to your history, have a higher than average level of fear around this particular topic, only your willingness to fully experience and feel your emotions, without judgment or resistance, will help you to transcend them.
Transcendence means “going beyond”– not getting rid of or denying your emotions. It’s like allowing a child to be afraid of, say, ice skating, after she’s fallen on the ice and hurt herself in the past, while reassuring her that its okay, you’re here for her. She may still be scared, but ever so slowly your reassurance overtakes the fear and she’s able to skate again.
Your fear is very much like that little girl and yet there’s a wiser, eternal version of you that knows she’s always okay, that the whole drama of rejection, abandonment, betrayal is just a convincing illusion designed for your growth. Make a practice of tapping into that eternal part of you that knows -your Divine self- in meditation or prayer, and offer your unconditional understanding and knowing to fear. Slowly, you’ll go beyond the fear. You’ll feel more free to choose who is in charge of your life -fear and doubt or love and faith.
Astrologically, you recently experienced your Pluto square, which armed you with the uncomfortable knowledge of your dark, sticky parts, while waking up your natal ninth house Pluto North Node Libra conjunction. What was awakened? Your hunger for personal reflection and meaningful insight through intensely honest and intimate connection (Pluto/Libra/North Node conjunct). You look to satisfy this desire in the realm of higher knowledge, spirituality and wisdom-gathering (ninth house). Whilst exploring your self through spiritual groups and workshops, books, astrology, notice how many people have very similar issues as you. We’re all trying to heal, be more authentic, move from fear to love and free our self from old patterns keeping us from love. This common ground is a tangible point of contact for you, an opportunity to share and explore your self with others, be touched by their stories, learn…and experience the deep connection you crave.
On that note, I actually chose your question from the many I received because it reflects the sentiment of others. A majority of my readers are questioning whether they will ever be free of their past experiences, if the light of love will ever return again. There can be more doubt and fear at this time of year, when the struggle between dark and light plays out in our inner lives, too, but solstice season is the right time to bring more light into the dark. We don’t do this by rejecting the part of our self that is afraid of being hurt, or not finding love, again; we do this by befriending our dark emotions, and then bringing in more light.
So, a solstice message for all: Hold your darkness, tenderly, as you would a scared child. Then follow your pleasure, joy, faith- the Spirit of the season – and when you see it, see it for what it is: A reflection of your true nature. Become the reassuring presence your heart seeks!