Dear Aphrodite, I love a guy very much; he knows my feelings for him, but he just keeps saying “I like you” and “I don’t want to lose you.” His changeable attitude towards me confuses me; he always calls me if he needs advice or help, or someone to understand him, but he has a girlfriend. I don’t understand what to do. The times we spend together are some of the happiest moments in my life. Maya
Dear Maya, Oh, dear. We all have fallen into this unfortunate rabbit hole from time to time (can I get a hear, hear?!). Unreciprocated love has got to be one of the cruelest love lessons we grow through as humans. I think what makes it infinitely more cruel than it has to be is that we tend to think they don’t love us because there is something inherently wrong with us. This isn’t the case! But our psyche just goes there, maybe at first out of boredom, or simply trying to understand the unfathomable, but if we let that subconscious thought linger too long it communicates something deeper about our (low) self-esteem.
I don’t know if this is something that is keeping you hooked and hanging around a relationship that’s clearly not going anywhere, but it’s a wormy little thing lurking in many a woman’s mind and heart, a fear that because this one person doesn’t love you, others probably won’t, either. I want to tell you: That’s such baloney. One of my favorite phrases about this phase of relationship, dating, I lifted from a marketing/sales guy: “It’s not about rejection, it’s about selection.” Because, really, who can control who they fall in love with, or who they don’t (think about it a moment: Have you ever been able to simply choose who you fall in love with? If you haven’t, why do you think he should be able to do that?)?
I suspect that if you weren’t caught in this misunderstanding you’d already have moved on from this guy, because deep down we all know that it is far more juicy to be loved in the way we want to be loved – or be in hot pursuit of the promise of that all-encompassing, mutual love – than hanging around someone who can only offer crumbs of affection. Put this mantra on your mirror, right after you say goodbye to Mr. Crumbs: “I want to be with someone who feels as deliciously wild and crazy about me as I do about him.” If you still need a compelling (astrological) reason to do so: Because, you have Venus in Libra, and for you, love must be a give and take, a two-way street. When you find someone who truly deserves to be placed so high on your pedestal, you’ll know it — they will do the same for you.
Jessica Shepherd | Astrologer & Author | Health Coach