My husband and I both work full time jobs, tend to be non-stop “on-the-go”, live in a busy metro area and are both getting older as well. We also both have minor health concerns. Due to all of the just mentioned we have not nurtured the sexual aspect of our love lives, although we are affectionate. Gentle hints do not seem to be working at this point. I feel stuck and afraid. What is the best way to nurture my marriage at this point? Thanks, Patty
Dear Patty, Even though this question involves both you and your partner, let’s start with you. A woman who feels fantastic in her sensual body and whose pleasure cup is full is magnetic and irresistible. We’re all familiar with the woman who, regardless of age or conventional notions of beauty, walks into a room and enchants everyone with her energy. It’s a feeling she radiates, self-love, which she overflows to others. That woman needs to be you.
So: How many times have you made pleasure a priority in the past week? Month? When was the last time you planned a day of events based solely on your desires? How in touch are you with what turns you on, in life? Your availability for sexual intimacy relies on how available you make your self to joy.
What I’m talking about is charging up your Temptress energy -the guardian energy holding the very “magic”’ of your erotic relationship. It’s not your fault, but her light in you has dimmed and it’s time to turn it up again. You have Venus and Mars in Cancer. Let’s imagine a perfect day for these two. You wake up and have your favorite breakfast. You go to your closet and pick out clothes that only make you feel beautiful- and top it with a silk scarf or a piece of jewelry you love. You go to yoga class, make a date with a friend to have a green drink, and now you’re feeling radiant inside. You decide to window shop, notice an attractive man in the vicinity, which is a perfect time to experiment with the lost art of flirting. Focus on your sensual energy, how great you feel in your body then indulge in “intimate thoughts”. He will pick up on the erotic energy, though he won’t know why. He’ll be more helpful, smile brighter. Experiment with the guy at the meat counter then with your husband. All women have the ability to turn Temptress energy on or off, just for fun.
For Venus in Cancer, exquisite self-care frees up your joie-de-vivre Temptress energy. Fun is seductive. You – feeling well-rested, easygoing, well-nourished, cared for and radiating relaxation- are irresistible. You hold the feminine spark that fans the flame of his passion.
Any long-term partnership will eventually face periods of stress, fatigue, busyness, crisis, aging and health problems. Sexual intimacy does take nurturing- nurturing of the Temptress energy inside you. It takes diligence to let go of old patterns and try something new, but it’s fun work. Here are some more ideas to get going (more in the e-book Five Secrets of Venus, available on this site):
Spring Cleaning: Toss out anything in your closet that doesn’t make you feel beautiful. You may have very little left by the time you’re done. Good, go shopping! Emptiness attracts new and better. As they say, “the Universe abhors a vacuum.” I’ve used this principle to attract a new wardrobe.
Conserve Energy: When we have extra energy we’re often tempted to use it up on work, chores or other people; practice holding some back for your self. It’s impossible to be irresistible, up for it, and exhausted at the same time.
Desire Survey: Ask yourself: What do I desire? Chocolate covered strawberries? A trip to the Bahamas (with a ninth house Venus, travel romances you)? A day trip to visit art or nature? Make an exhaustive list and keep it on the refrigerator. Cross things off as your desires are met. Better yet, do this with your partner so that both of you create a desire list and you both are helping the other get your desires met.