I am a Libra born October 1, 1979. I am experiencing a world collapse now as my father recently took his life in February. I was living in Asia for 7 months before this occurred and am now back in the states, close to family as we heal. I work in the field of childbirth and childcare and I am sensing this is going to change soon. I feel big changes coming within myself and this brings on a lot of fear. It’s like I know I’m gaining gifts from such a life collapse and opening to deeper skills but I have no idea how this is going to look for my future. I’m having a hard time just being here now. I question where I need to be living, when I will find the man who can care for me as much as I deserve and desire and what work is in store for me for my future? I’m trying to be very gentle with myself which is the most difficult part. My father was a good man, such a beautiful man. His friends tell me I was the bright star in his darkness. I was the free spirit he wished to be. He was born on Christmas in 1950. I feel still a bit of shock and just can’t believe this is my life now. I go between anger and sadness on a daily basis. I also worry about him still and want to know how I can help him go to a higher place. Blessings. (ES)
Nothing is more painful and life altering than loss, especially a loss that collapses our world, our identity and our future. Parents and children are the most painful losses for most people though the loss of a beloved spouse can be as heartbreaking. Parents are meant to be the foundation that supports us in our lives, our rocks. Your use of the word “collapse” is an accurate expression of this foundational loss in your life, a life which has been profoundly altered. The two most obvious transits in your chart are transiting Uranus opposing your natal Venus (within 1 degree where it often sets the stage for a new life unfolding) and transiting Neptune conjunct your South Node of the Moon in Pisces. While both of these indicators would always signal significant, meaningful changes in your life which would be shocking or unexpected and likely would evoke deep sadness, loss and questioning of everything you have known, they would not necessarily indicate a death. In your chart, your Ascendant ruler is Jupiter which is conjunct your North Node of the Moon in your 8th house of death and loss, the connection which makes a loss of this magnitude through death a possibility. Venus rules your 10th house of career and your 5th house of joy, creativity and children, our legacies. Your sense that your career/your work will be shifting is surely true though it may be next year when the aspect is exact before you either know what you are called to or before you are able to make the transition to this new chapter in your life. As profoundly sad as your loss is, your North Node and Jupiter in your 8th house along with your Mars suggest that you will be able to learn from, grow from, understand and find genuine peace with your father’s death. In time, you will be able to see Jupiter’s purpose in your father’s path and your own though your daily emotional journey is and should be just as you describe until it isn’t. With all of the air in your chart (4 planets in Libra and your Aquarian Moon), it is crucial that you allow yourself to grieve fully. Your Capricorn father was born on a full moon which is often an emotional roller coaster. Capricorns may tend toward some degree of depression. In addition, your father’s planets show trauma in his history which has been triggered by transits in the last several years. Love and prayer are the tools to assist your father as he heals and finds his way. Trust his journey and your own as best you can, more in time. Sun, Mercury, Venus and Pluto in Libra emphasize the importance of relationships in your life, the necessity for them to be your teacher in lovely, joyous and hard ways. Some good news; your progressed Moon which is the co-ruler of your marriage house will conjunct your Descendant in approximately 2 years; both Uranus and Pluto will aspect your Venus in the next several years transforming your career, love life and location; and your marriage will be a deep, romantic and interesting one. You have wisely been gentle with yourself as you need to be during this 1st year of loss and as long as needed. Your sense of what is coming in your life is very right; trust it to unfold over the next several years. It is likely that you will move overseas again due to your 9th house Sun, the position of an international life. Natal Venus/Pluto conjunct your Midheaven make you the bright star in many people’s lives.
You recently answered one of my friend’s questions and I was happy to see how accurate your answer was. You lifted her spirits and mine. My question is twofold, questioning the two topics that have plagued me since birth. I was born September 11, 1963. Sorry, my questions are heavy. My life is a bit heavy. I’d accept that these things won’t change if that’s what you see. Even hearing that they won’t change will help me cope. If there is hope, I’d like to know what to try. First, I have had the symptoms of an autoimmune disease/disorder and severe endocrine problems since birth. I haven’t been able to get a diagnosis or help and am now 50 years old. I recently contracted Lyme’s disease and am not able to take all the antibiotics. I’m afraid all this illness is permanent of worse. Is there any hope of healing? Second, my mother has rejected, hated, and been jealous of me since birth. Recently, I realized that she and several of my family members have personality disorders (mental illness). I can’t seem to let go of their awful lies and attacks against me. Is there any hope of me letting go? (SI)
Sadly, I believe you are correct when you suggest that some of your family members are mentally ill. Many lay people do not realize that mental illness is far more prevalent than they would expect and far more destructive in families and relationships. Four planets in your 4th house of home and family with the Sun conjunct Pluto and Uranus certainly qualifies as a statement of the trauma, pain and destructiveness of your family in your life. While these planetary indicators do point to your family in general, your Moon is right on the Ascendant also squaring your natal Pluto highlighting your Mother as the dominant, pervasive influence in this unfortunate family dynamic. In most cases, Pluto family problems are not resolvable nor are they meant to be resolved with the family members themselves. It is best for you to separate yourself from this hurtful dynamic, find your own caring family through friends and mentors and build a life that is healthy for you. This is not a burden you need to continue to carry. Though you have no planets in your 6th house of health, it is ruled by Pluto illuminating the relationship between your family history and your illnesses – both the genetic component of your autoimmune and endocrine issues since birth and the ongoing impact of your family’s lack of healthy support and love compounded by their destructive, damaging influence. Because your natal Pluto rules your house of health and quincunxes both Jupiter and Saturn, these illnesses are physical and ideally should be treated medically within reason (Saturn rules traditional medicine). However, it is equally important to accept, step completely out of and heal within yourself this powerful family karma/dynamic. Natal Saturn quincunx Pluto is tough for health which suggests that you will likely be dealing with some health challenges for this lifetime but Saturn is also trine your Moon and sextile Jupiter offering you significant opportunity for improvement if you address both the physical and family/emotional aspects of your health conditions. Due to Saturn’s square to Neptune, I wonder if you have been exposed to any toxins in your environment as you surely have been in your emotional life. This is a very important time to work diligently on your health as transiting Saturn has moved into your health house for a 3 year stay, a time to stabilize and improve or to worsen depending on what you do in this time frame. While transiting Uranus is still quincunx your natal Pluto (a health aspect which may describe the Lyme disease), transiting Pluto has begun to trine its birth position again noting the importance of this time for healing using different methods with a deeper awareness for better results. There is hope for improvement and, yes, you can let go if you understand and fully accept the reality of mental illness. It may be difficult for your Virgo Sun conjunct Pluto to fully believe and know that you cannot fix/improve/make sense out of their behavior but you can trust the your own need to/right to live free of their attacks and lies. In 2015 when transiting Uranus conjuncts your natal Jupiter in your 11th house, you may find a partner if you want one and surely will find new friends and support from others as well as a new direction in your life. Life can be freer and more dynamic then after this year of deep release and healing. I hope this information is helpful and supportive in a Pluto life which is always a heavy one yet one that can be a profoundly healing and transformative one.