I was born November 10, 1969. I am at this point in my life where loneliness has more control over me than I do of it. I have always pretty much been able to flip the coin so to speak and convince myself that I am not lonely. But as my 43rd birthday approaches I’ve done some major soul searching, but it seems right now my soul doesn’t want to speak to me. I have worked through my maternal abandonment issues that I had as a child. My mother (3/18/40) had three children before me and she has been very vocal that she didn’t want me. That never bothered me as a child because I knew my father (3/04/40) did. When I was 18, I was in a relationship with a man I thought was my soul mate; at 20 I gave birth to a beautiful son (3/15/90); two months after I gave birth my son’s father passed away. Since then throughout the years I have endured numerous tragic deaths, some of them the kind you can’t even imagine, one right after the other. I have never fit in with anything in this life. In my school years I was one of a handful of Caucasians’ in a predominately African American school. I was the only female in my Martial Arts group; for 20 years I was the manager of a plus size clothing shop yet I only weigh 105 pounds. I have always been on the opposite side of societal prejudices so people thought it was OK to point out that I was different. I embraced it till just recently. Everything I have done in my life I have done completely alone. My question is will I ever find a romantic relationship? My quest for a soul mate was what kept me going through the years. Young and lonely is one thing but old and lonely has no appeal at all to me. Thank you for taking time to read this. DT
Loneliness is described by Saturn in one’s Astrology chart. You were born with Saturn in your 1st house of early childhood and self awareness which is a difficult Saturn position for developing an ease with one’s inherent nature. Your early rejection, unusually verbalized by your Mother, is clearly signaled by that 1st house Saturn opposing Venus (personal happiness and pleasure), squaring Mars (limiting the freedom to actualize your own desires) and quincunxing the Moon (your mother’s tension about you). Ouch, this is a tough beginning leading to a deep-seated loneliness. Certainly, you are different which is always difficult in early life but is truly the gift of an authentic life when you are a mature individual. You were born with Mars in individualistic Aquarius combined with Uranus conjunct your Descendant opposing your Ascendant. So, yes, you do stand out, are different, and unlike the status quo societal model in any arena. I think this deep recognition of your loneliness which naturally evokes your mother’s early rejection is the final stage of your emotional healing (transiting Neptune squaring your 8th house Moon) releasing you for a stable intimate relationship. The suffering you report is delineated by your Sun/Mercury/Venus/Neptune in Scorpio supported by 4 planets in Scorpio’s 8th house and natal Pluto conjunct the Descendant. Rejection, death, loss, isolation, suffering and loneliness are all expressions of the depth of healing, wisdom and transformation your soul is growing through in this lifetime. Interestingly, your mother, father and son are all Pisces; the sign of your 12th (Pisces house) house North Node of the Moon who are all your spiritual teachers in life, easy and hard. The good news is that both Pluto and Uranus have finished aspecting all 4 angles in your chart making this a time of renewal and entry into a completely new chapter of your life. Saturn has entered Scorpio where it will conjunct all of your Scorpio planets rewarding you for all you have lived through and accomplished. Mars, your chart ruler, by solar arc progression is conjunct your North Node of the Moon where it is activating your spiritual future. In 2013 your progressed Jupiter will conjunct your natal Venus, the planet of love/relationships, in your 7th house of partnership offering romantic opportunity. Jupiter also rules your house of 2nd marriages signaling a 2nd marriage in the near future. Transiting Saturn’s entry into your 8th house will lead to an intimate, secure relationship after years of “doing it all on your own”. Watch the eclipses in late April and early May for this coming renewal. 7 of your 10 natal planets in the 7th and 8th houses reveals your soul’s intention for a loving, intimate partnership in this lifetime.
I have had the toughest decisions regarding men, career and security. My date of birth is 10/12/57. I have not worked in a year, my choice. I left a man who loved me dearly a year ago and moved in with a past lover who I was nuts about and quit my job (that I hated, outside sales, driving 100 miles a day and more though I loved the freedom and making my own schedule). My lover is a Sagittarius born 11/24/50. Anyway, I moved out in April this year because I was totally confused as to whether I made the right decision or not. I stayed in touch with the man I left and also with my Sagittarius. I lived with friends and travelled staying with family. Now I am staying with my ex-husband who would love to have me back in his life. He is a great guy, 12/15/49, but I feel overwhelmed by his optimism and floral and sweet words of love for me. I’m thinking of becoming a health coach. I’ve always been interested in a healthy lifestyle, also art and design, but at this time in my life becoming a Health Coach seems to be practical and interesting. This would be a way for me to help others since at this point in my life I want to do something that is more meaningful. I also love to sing and have a good voice having taken professional lessons but never pursued this career since my confidence level was always so low, especially earlier in my life. Now I feel I can do it for pleasure. I guess my question is how do I balance my need and desire for a fulfilling relationship and career? I always put the relationship first and have a difficult time letting go of these men in my life. I’ve been feeling so stuck and most of my things are still in storage so I’m still not sure where I want to live and have some doubts about making it on my own. I even had suicidal thoughts earlier this year. I have a spiritual practice that has helped ground me and want to share that part of myself with someone, too. Is my ex the right man for me? We were married for 9 years. I left him because I felt a need for greater stimulation, understanding, and growth with a partner that I felt a true connection with. These past relationships have been linked to security and with my recent lover spiritual growth and love. I know that Saturn in Scorpio is going into my 10th house of career for 2 ½ years so not sure what all that will entail. What major changes are up for me in 2013? I need to get on with my life and feel that I am making progress. Some positive encouragement and enlightenment would be fantastic right now. Thank you. RB
Now that transiting Saturn has moved out of your Sun sign (your Sun in Libra is joined by Mercury and Mars in Libra), it is time to find the right direction in your life for a loving relationship in balance with your equally important need to create financial security. Thus, your question is right on target for this time in your life. It is no wonder you are confused, dissatisfied and at loose ends regarding the men in your life as transiting Neptune conjuncts your Descendant, the relationship angle. This lack of clarity will likely continue and should continue for the next year leaving you open to meeting a man who combines love, passion, understanding, stimulation and security. In the meantime, this is the moment to concentrate on building your own work, career, confidence, security, financial success and pleasure. Transiting Jupiter, the planet of growth, opportunity, potential, moving through your 10th house is now expanding your ideas and options for a successful career where you can fulfill your 2nd house ability to make a significant income (all your Libra planets in the 2nd house). In addition to Jupiter’s beneficial transit to your career house, your progressed Moon is now moving through your 10th house along with Jupiter. Becoming a health coach would utilize your personal interests and skills revealed by your Virgo Ascendant, the sign of health. Your natal Moon is conjunct your Midheaven, the career angle, from the 9th house of meaning suggesting that working with the public as a teacher/advocate/coach with a meaningful purpose encouraging your future clients is an excellent choice. Currently, transiting Saturn is now in your 3rd house (not sure why you said it was in your career house since it isn’t) which is an excellent time to take your good ideas seriously building a meaningful work that meets your Neptune in the 3rd house ideals. Natal Pluto on the Ascendant demands that you trust your personal magnetism, power and expertise to actualize your innate confidence in your abilities. After a study of your 2 Sagittarius men it is clear that your ex-husband is a good guy but his Pluto squares your Moon, his Mercury squares your Mercury and his Neptune conjuncts your Sun/Jupiter validating your genuine difficulty finding understanding (the Mercury square), emotional trust, security and connection (Pluto squaring your Moon) and reveals your discomfort with his over idealization of your love (Neptune conjunct your Sun/Jupiter). Yes, a good guy but not your soul mate. Your other Sagittarius man is a sweetie whose Sun/Venus conjuncts your Venus/Saturn, his Mercury sextiles your Mercury clearly improving the love/communication/spiritual connection from your earlier relationship but you are not ready to commit to anyone quite yet. For all Libras’, finding an authentic balance between your individual life and your partnership life is your life work. Give yourself this next year or two as Neptune completes its move over your relationship angles (Ascendant and Descendant), Uranus opposes your Mercury and Pluto squares your Mercury for yourself. As your solar arc Jupiter progresses to your natal Saturn in 2 years, you will find your soul mate, either a new man or your recent lover who will meet you differently.
I am unclear on “awaiting moderation”. Can you clarify ? Thank you.
I get it ! Thank you, Julia.
Julia, Your response to the first question could have been written for me. I am a Scorpio (sun and moon) born 11/9/39. I have spent the better part of the last 24 years trying to fix what was wrong me and have had some great teachers and guides into the depths. At present I am at maybe the final depth of the pain from rejection and abuse from my mother. Your insights give me hope. Thank you.