My hard drive crashed on the solar eclipse—just as Mercury was stationing, directly into the Saturn/Pluto square. The next day, the hard drive on my new laptop–the one I’d purchased in December and had just taken out of the box–also crashed. There was no receipt in the box. I’d bought it online and my only record of purchase was on the other crashed hard drive. My feeling of being awash in rubble and utterly helpless was nothing compared to the horrific devastation of the Haitians, and yet I felt a kinship. So this was how the archetypes were visiting me. My loved ones were still alive, my house was standing, I had a warm place to sleep and food to eat, but my psyche was running helter skelter through the streets of Pompeii. Aaaaaaiiiiieee! I work with symbol, intuition and soul as an astrologer, but the nuts and bolts of my profession are all computerized. I was panicked; for days I was too emotional to fully learn what I’d backed up and what I’d lost.
Of course this was a gentle disaster. I’ve heard from many in real difficult circumstances this past month. The massage therapist living in her car, unsure about whether to give up her cat in order to enter a woman’s shelter. The mother whose son has disappeared. The widow who is materially doing fine, but wanders lonely and without purpose through the rooms of her large house. I cannot watch the news anymore, the stories are disappointing and sad. As Saturn and Pluto square, I sense a lot of us standing at the pebbled wall of destiny, running our fingers over its cold stones and wondering… so this is where we are? Yet when we can peel the gloom away from it, there is something else: the very mystery and awe of what we’re being called to do. For if we are to pray properly to the archetypes of Saturn and Pluto, we must remain open. We must awaken and respond to the very structure of reality, however it appears right now. Even if it’s beautiful.
I discovered I’d been clever enough to back up most of my data files, but not clever enough to have invited a smart techie into my life, so the business of setting up my computers again has been mostly left to me. I am not good at this, so it goes slowly, with many hair pulling moments when what is supposed to work just doesn’t. Am I blessed? Absolutely. Between Saturn/Pluto and the Mars retrograde, I’ve been utterly slowed down. I am fully here. Not even wondering what comes next.