Surrender when stuck

Here’s a moment that best sums up my experience of the Pluto/Saturn square: I was stuck in a car with an emergency break that wouldn’t release—as a speeding bus headed toward it. “It’s going to hit us,” my son yelled. In that slowed-down time of impending doom, I was oddly comforted by the realization that I had absolutely no control over what would happen next. I relaxed and the bus stopped within an inch of my rear fender. I’ve had other Pluto/Saturn challenges this month—as have many clients and friends, our country too. The world is heavy with these two planets, accelerating us towards impasse, sudden losses, or situations so out of control even strong wills can’t fix them. With Pluto and Saturn, what is broken must eventually shatter and be remade. But what do we do in the meantime? What is being asked of us?

I was trying to hurry out of town the night my emergency brake stuck. After I called AAA, hopelessness and self-pity readied their voices for a familiar dark song against my life—when I was touched by grace. I was moved to do and think nothing. I just sat. I watched my son texting to his friends. The cell phone I rarely use was in my hand. “Can you show me how to text?” Soon we were texting back and forth. Like a small gift sent by a secret admirer, it was an unexpected joy. I’ve faced bigger problems these past two weeks—my partner got laid off, my father is ill, my dog is sick too. But it has helped to remember that night’s simple teaching: At an impasse, just sit and surrender to the place of not knowing. Not knowing what will happen, what you should do, or even who you’re becoming. Wait until your eyes get used to the dark. You’ll see the one small step that comes next.