I recently visited Santa Fe again, my hometown. I love the high, mountainous, desert. The energy is so clear and earthy, and truly I charge up my grounding cords for the coming year when I visit. Sitting in the patio enclosure, feet on the warm brick floor with a blanket, the ozone scented air of a late afternoon monsoon rain embracing me like the gently curving lines of adobe, I am in my earth element. A clear eyed desert Goddess.
When I got home I realized that my energetic “door” has been too open, here. Whereas in our Santa Fe adobe I had claimed several little perches as my own, in Hawaii it was sloppy seconds. I have an office, my own private room to retreat to, but for various reasons it is not totally adequate.
I decided to recommit to owning my space. Because it’s not about the structure of the space – how much or little room you have, how much or little privacy, or it’s adequacy – so much as owning a given space as yours. Finding what feels okay then filling it up with your God given energy.
I looked at my home with new eyes. Was there a cozy nook I’d been overlooking? A beautiful chair off to the side of the living room, on a square of carpet perhaps? I sat there for some time, like a regal Queen, filling the space with MY energy. In my imagination, I transposed the high desert energy on top of this small area, demarcating it with energetic lines that are a color I identify as my energy, centered, rooted, grounded and sunk into the deliciously smooth feeling of calm. When my husband tried to enter the space, I politely asked him to back off my “grounding station.” If I were a dog, this would be the equivalent of (ahem) marking territory. My energy was the only energy I wanted in this area. No one else’s. I was claiming MY space.
(I also asked him to bring me a drink while I sat, just for fun. Hey, I wanted to feel like a Queen, and set the sovereign tone of this space! He happily complied).
I figured if I couldn’t have a she-shed, this could work. I would anchor the space with my energy and see how it shifted things. The benefits were immediate:
– I allowed myself to be Right. I had just been involved in an uncomfortable disagreement. I decided to break a commitment I had made last year, and I didn’t want any longer, which brought up some issues for the other person. My old habit of taking care of others’ feelings and wounds reared up quite strongly, and because they thought I had done something wrong to them, I struggled with taking on that feeling, too. So every time those feelings would come up I’d sit in MY space and allowed myself to be Right. As in, Goddess/God/I AM Right. Because I AM, serving the truth of your Divine Self, is the most powerful and peaceful place to embody.
-I started drawing boundaries. In my primary relationship I wasn’t liking the backseat driving, him jumping into the shower when I wanted to take one alone, or receiving advice when I needed, and had asked for, support. Instead of complaining about what was happening, getting caught up in emotions (I spent some time beforehand feeling those, on my own), I got practical about it, essentially saying: I don’t like it when this happens, can you do it differently? When challenged, I calmly held my ground…and because I had anchored my energy I had a ground to hold. When you’re in your light there is no need for anyone to feel threatened – and if they are, you clearly see it for what it is.
–I stood up for myself. Several times. In relationship, we get to decide what kind of behavior is acceptable for us, and what isn’t, through what we allow and accept. For instance, someone dumping their “stuff” on me – the energies of their bad day, energy from their unhealed wounding patterns, etc.- is not something I am ever okay with. It’s always appropriate to, practically and calmly, draw a line in the sand when someone crosses yours. Simply stating that, without blame or judgment (it helps to deal with/release your anger alone, first), keeps you feeling clear.
When you truly sit in your own energetic space, all kinds of things become apparent.
…Like, how much you have been allowing others to walk in, and over, you.
…That you may not be in control of others, but you are 100% in control of your experience.
…And, that no one is ever doing anything wrong or to you. They are being their self. When that conflicts with how you want to be treated, the only thing to do is take care of you by anchoring your own energy, getting clear in your self, and asking for what you want. If they comply, great. If they do not, you are still rewarded with being clear in your self and feeling good.
So. Do you feel you have a right to take up space? To be Right, with a capital “R” (no matter another’s version/experience)? To do what you want (and not do what you don’t want)? To stand up for you? To draw a line? Do you feel how other people treat you in relationship is up to you (not them)? Do you feel like the Queen/Goddess of your life (not a servant to others)?
If you answered “No” to any of the above questions, why not spend some time anchoring your energy at this Aries Full Moon– so perfect for steeping in the energy and wisdom of the True Self? This Moon is conjunct Chiron in Aries and square Saturn in Capricorn, planet of clear realism, maturity and the practical structures of our lives. Where could you hold better boundaries? Where have you gotten too used to putting your self last (Chiron in Aries) instead of first- where you belong? If you’ve gotten lax, where might you need a little more of what my teacher calls a “Brooklyn attitude”:-) about standing up for your Self?
You are allowed to be Right.
You are allowed to be treated with respect.
You are allowed to respect your Self.
You are allowed to feel peaceful in your choices, and your partnerships.
You are allowed to own, and anchor, your energy.
You are allowed to connect deeply with your Self.
You are allowed to take all the time you need to do this.