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Ask Aphrodite

Ask Aphrodite

By Jessica Shepherd

Dear Aphrodite, Will me and my ex and I get back together? We love each other so much but many things got in the way. I want that love and passion back. Thanks, Tiffany

Dear Tiffany, I’m going to tell you something I’m sure you don’t want to hear: 99% of the time it’s just not a good idea to get reconnected with an Ex. You broke up for a reason, and those reasons still exist, though as time goes on we remember only the love and forget core incompatibilities — the way they didn’t gaze adoringly at us, the little white lies they told that sparked our suspicion, our divergent dreams of the future, etc. Most of the time a reconnection solidifies those differences between us, only in a more dramatic way. Though, sometimes a reconnection is exactly what the Ego needs to really, totally and finally understand that it’s not going to work out. Often going back for a second helping of “what if…?” can be third eye-opening.

I once got back with an Ex. I thought: This time I’ll appreciate his finer qualities more. I’ll overlook our differences, because differences make it interesting, right? It didn’t end well. He treated me even worse than I’d remembered. That was a turning point for me; it solidified my commitment to loving myself, to growing, to seeing my relationships more clearly. Years later he called me, during a Mercury retrograde, to apologize for what a jerk he’d been. When he called, I’d been eating dinner with my fiance, who I was madly in love with. This delicious moment wasn’t courtesy of karma; it was a direct result of self-love.

A big block to letting go of an Ex is the fear that we will never again get to experience the benefit of those beautiful qualities we love about our Ex. It’s simply not true. For instance, I loved that this particular Ex put me on a pedestal, adoring me and my creative talent. I worried I would never have this with another person (because I hadn’t yet). Then, I realized I was giving away my power, that I could do this for myself and I designed a plan. Through the exercise I share with you below, I also noticed a pattern of dating narcissists, which helped me see I was giving my attention away to others who didn’t care for me.

I bless all my Ex’s. They’ve taught me so much about me.

I chose your question because Mercury is about to go retrograde (8/12-9/5/17). When our minds are in review mode, there’s a tendency to look backwards, to the past. Mercury (along with Venus) charges connections, so the probability of thinking about a reconnection, with anyone from your past, is a bit higher. That said, this fact doesn’t necessarily mean its a good idea, though it may be necessary, for your clarification. Regardless, I suggest being extremely kind with your self. Letting go of a relationship, and understanding the necessity of its ending, is hard. True Love will always be the mysterious “x factor”-and that’s something no one can predict.

Exercise: Mining Your Relationships for Gold

I receive so many questions about getting back together with Ex’s. I’d like to prescribe an exercise. I call this “mining your relationships for gold”. Get a pen and notebook. Make a page for each of your Ex’s, and dividing the page down the center, in the left hand column write everything that delighted you about being with this person, from “the way he made me feel so beautiful” to “I loved that she was a poet.” On the right hand side, what didn’t delight you, like: “addiction issues” or “mean when angry.”

Do this for every Ex. Now, combine what’s on every left side onto one piece of paper. This is a composite of your ideal partner or soul mate. See, you get to keep the wonderful qualities of all your Ex’s – it’s the DNA of your Venus, encoded pieces of magical information about your personal preferences, building blocks for the picture of the ideal mate you need to create in your imagination, and can eventually attract to you.

And, take it to the next level: your composite mate is actually you, waiting to be recognized and loved. Acknowledge this. You’re the poet, you’re the person who makes you feel sexy and beautiful via her own loving presence, etc. What can you do, what self-loving action can you take, to nurture this truth?

Finally, in your spare time, when you feel like working on your stuff, on the right side of those papers, look for patterns. Don’t throw this information out! With consciousness, you can turn this into gold, too.

This exercise paraphrased from my book A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets for Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life

 

About Jessica Shepherd

Jessica Shepherd is a writer, astrologer and health coach who has studied and practiced modern astrology since 1992. She is the author of A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets For Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life (Llewellyn, 2010) and the books Venus Signs: Discover Your Erotic Gifts and Secret Desires Through Astrology
(Llewellyn, 2015) and Karmic Dates and Momentary Mates: The Astrology of the Fifth House (Moonkissd, 2014). In 2018, after living in California for twenty years, she relocated to Honolulu, Hawaii with her husband, dog, and cat. Find out more about Jessica at Moonkissd (www.moonkissd.com).

from the goddess archive


  • Ask Flora-April 15, 2018
    Dear Flora, I've come to a stressful point in my life where I'm just not sure what to do. I'm a sex worker who's heart belongs to painting and photography. I've finally found my soul mate just a few months ago and we are in the process of moving on from our current messy living situations.Read more
  • Ask Flora-March 31, 2018
    I recently had a very upsetting break-up with an old, old friend; she judged me harshly for an act I thought was a good deed and an act of integrity. Although I know how to process upsets pretty well, I can't seem to shake my obsession with the deep and dark feelings trailing after this one ... What would you suggest for me to get past the trails of disappointment, sadness, not feeling seen, and missing her that seem to be hanging on in my feelings?Read more
  • Ask Luna-March 17, 2018
    This month's goddess question asks, how do we deal with the dark side of life?  Can we banish all the dark and unholy energy from our sphere and the lives of those we love?  What's the remedy? Read Luna's advice here.Read more
  • Ask Aphrodite-March 1, 2018
    Dear Aphrodite, I have been in a complicated situation with a man I love for awhile. We are working on a project together and are very intimate on many levels, but he will not consider fully committing to me until the project we are working on is done, which will be in a couple months. Until then, he is continuing to see other women.  Is it likely that he will actually commit to me once our professional relationship is finished? Or should I move on to someone who is excited to commit to a relationship with me? Thank you, ElleRead more
  • Ask Flora – February 15, 2018
    Hello Flora,  My Mom is in hospice. I believe that her time of transition is coming soon. Sometimes, I feel strong and feel that I can let her go back to the Great Mother Ocean. Other times, I feel so sad and empty and weep like a baby. What flowers can help me now? xox NinaRead more
  • Ask Aphrodite–January 31, 2018
    In my entire life, I never wanted to do anything other than write, not even to be published, but just have time to activate my imagination. Time to daydream. That's all. All I ever wanted was just a day-job where I could have enough time to write privately on the side. I never questioned it until now. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm wasting my own time?Read more
  • Ask Luna-January 16, 2018
    Dear Luna: My long-term partner has been acting erratically in the last year or so, alienating us from our community. Now he is moving out of state, and though I love him, my life and business are here. I can’t imagine life without him, yet I long to reconnect with the cherished friends I’ve lost. What should I do? JulieRead more
  • Ask Flora-January 1, 2018
    Dear Flora, Last year I was able to keep the best self-discipline of my life—my diet, exercise and spiritual practice were an infallible center. And the reward was a wellspring of creative ideas. This year, I’d like to bring these ideas to completion.  But all that positive self-discipline began to feel like just a spinning hamster wheel.  Which flowers would help me to work more from the heart and with a sense of play? AmyRead more
  • Ask Aphrodite-December 17, 2017
    Asks Carissa, "How do I get over my fears of rejection and abandonment, so that I can make deeper connections with others?"  Jessica answers, "I actually chose your question from the many I received because it reflects the sentiment of others. A majority of my readers are questioning whether they will ever be free of their past experiences, if the light of love will ever return again."Read more
  • Ask Luna-December 3, 2017
    Dear Luna, My boyfriend and I are expecting our first child. We currently live in a small space that has no room for raising children. We are actively searching for places that suit our needs, but our main problem is finding the means to pay for such a place. We are trying our hardest to make our dreams come true in time for the baby, but I am worried that it won’t go our way. What do the charts say? AnaiseRead more
  • Ask Flora-November 18, 2017
    Dear Flora, I’m in my early 30’s and haven’t been in a long term relationship, ever, really. I just finished a long period of completing my Master’s Degree and am ready to put my attention towards my love life. What would be a good way to approach my search for romance?  Signed, Looking for LoveRead more
  • Ask Aphrodite- November 3, 2017
    Dear Aphrodite, I sometimes pop off at people in anger, and while I feel justified, I later regret my actions. Recently, I’ve become more aware of this. I want to change, but it’s so hard. I go on automatic, and before I know it I say things that are not kind. Help! TerriRead more

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Astrologers use a variety of house systems, or methods of dividing up the sky into twelve sections. I use the Porphyry house system; another popular house system is Placidus (this is the default on https://astro.com). If the chart I send you looks different from what you are used to seeing, then likely a system other than Porphyry was used. Whole signs, Equal House, Regiomantus, and Campanus are examples of other systems. If you find all of this confusing, do not worry. It is likely not critical to your report.

m  Conjunction:  Like peas in a pod, planets in conjunction tend to come from the same place. They act together, but it’s also hard to tell them apart. This aspect can increase talent, focus, and intensity (“two are better than one”). Or one planet can disappear as the other dominates. Their connection feels so natural, it’s easy to think everyone blends these planetary energies just as you do—but mostly, they don’t!.

p  Sextile:  Planets in sextile are compatible, though without any fireworks. This aspect doesn’t demand your attention. It quietly presents an opportunity. You can join these archetypal forces. Donna Cunningham has called this the “Oh, that!” aspect, because that’s generally what her clients say when she describes their benefits.  To get the most from sextiles you need to actively work them.

q  Square:  Squares are wild and wonderful—but difficult too. The power struggle between these planets was likely defined in your youth, when they were impossibly challenging. People are usually aware of their squares. They force the issues that make you to grow. And that’s their gift. They ensure you learn your lessons. When you rise to the occasion, they bless you with energy, action, and success.

r  Trine:  Michael Munkasey has dubbed this the “goddess aspect” because it’s so lovely. Identifying talents you may have perfected in a previous life, trines can bring you joy. There’s a nice flow of energy between planets in trine. They support and reinforce each another. But without any struggle, you might take them for granted—neither using nor developing their gifts. An unattended trine can sometimes trick you into negative behaviors.

t  Inconjunct/Quincunx:  Your quincunx planets are innately incompatible. Bringing them into harmonious expression requires constant adjustments. This can be stressful, also motivating. You’ve got to keep changing your process, opinions or attitude—which promotes highly creative solutions.

u  Opposition:  They say opposites attract—and planets in opposition are never far from each other, though they’re constantly bickering. You may be triggered into awareness of this aspect by other people who seem to resist or undermine you.  An opposition can make you feel uncertain, insecure, or discontent, until you can accept and see yourself in both energies. Typically people find it easier to identify with one side and project the other onto unsuspecting others in the outer world.

First House: Personality, physical body, beginnings. Includes the Ascendant and rules physical appearance, the image you project to others, your general outlook on life, how you start things; may describe your role in your family system, often guides your first impression of immediate environment.

Second House: Money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions, talents.

Third House: Communication, thoughts, language skills like writing and speaking, early schooling, siblings and neighbors, short trips, coming and going around town.

Fourth House: Your home, psychological foundations and roots, family, parents, domestic life, instinctive behavior, ancestry, your connection with the past, sense of security, domestic life, real estate. conditions at the end of life.

Fifth House: Children, creativity, romance; pleasure, entertainment, self-expression; all forms of “play”, speculation, gambling, and attitude towards taking risks; hobbies, attitude towards romance, lovers as opposed to partners, attitude towards having fun.

Sixth House: Work and job (as opposed to career), daily life, attitude towards service and coworkers, helpfulness, pets, attitude towards routine and organization, how you refine and perfect your skills.

Seventh House: Partnerships, one-to-one relationships, marriage, the first marriage, the “significant other”, business partnerships, competitors, open enemies, lawyers, mediators, counselors, contracts, negotiations, agreements. clients/the public.

Eighth House: Transformations and crisis, your ability to meet and rebound from crisis and change, sexuality; sex, death and rebirth, rituals and personal growth, your partner’s resources, addictions, psychology, other people’s money, taxes, divorce/alimony, inheritance.

Ninth House: Attitude toward expanding horizons, religious beliefs and personal philosophy, higher education, long-distance travel, morals, foreign languages and cultures, personal truths, publishing, commerce, advertising, your sense of adventure.

Tenth House: Career and profession, your contribution to society, social status, public reputation, material success, how you carve out a public identity for yourself; attitude toward authority figures, parents, caregivers, bosses, governments, attitude towards responsibility, desire for achievement.

Eleventh House: Friends, groups, organizations; hopes, wishes, aspirations, personal goals; your philanthropic attitude, concern for the collective, humanity; like tenth, can bring recognition and honors for fulfilling hopes and dreams.

Twelfth House: What’s hidden beneath the surface, karmic dustbin, limiting childhood/past-life messages, self-undoing, hidden enemies, hidden weaknesses, dreams, secret affairs, lost items, hospitals and prisons, hidden strengths, spiritual studies and soul growth.

A  Sun: Our vitality and magnetism; self-identity, ego.
Roles: The Self, the Hero, the Performer, the King.

B  Moon: Intuition, emotion, nurture.
Roles: The Mother, the High Priestess, the Child.

C  Mercury: Mind; physical dexterity and mental agility.
Roles: The Thinker, the Communicator, the Student, the Trickster, the Merchant, the Thief.

D  Venus: Our capacity for pleasure, receptivity, creativity, and social connection. Also indicates our relationships, self esteem, and financial abundance.
Roles: The Lover, the Seductress, the Artist.

E  Mars: Desire, initiative, anger.
Roles: The Protector, the Athlete, the Warrior.

F  Jupiter: Luck, opportunity, expansion, higher learning, religion.
Roles: The Scholar, the Gypsy, the Traveler, the Monk, the Professor.

G  Saturn: Hard work, commitment, focus, inadequacy, leadership, suffering, loss.
Roles: The Task Master, the Grim Reaper, the Wise Old Man, the Builder, the Cynic, the Boss.

H  Uranus: Change, breakthroughs, upsets, discoveries.
Roles: The Revolutionary, the Humanitarian, the Visionary, the Snob.

I  Neptune: Imagination, spirituality, idealism, addictions, deception, compassion.
Roles: The Artist, the Romantic, the Guru, the Addict, the Martyr, the Victim.

J  Pluto: Transformation, power, psychological dynamics, helplessness.
Roles: The Terrorist, the Detective, the Psychotherapist, the Dictator, shady people.

a  Aries: Pioneering, competitive, selfish, impatient, courageous, reckless, independent, dynamic, domineering, “Me first!”

b  Taurus: Patient, stable, lazy, dependable, practical, sensual, stubborn, artistic, possessive, greedy, gentle, loyal.

c  Gemini: Intelligent, curious, adaptable, quick-witted, restless, clever, scatterbrained, lacking follow-through.

d  Cancer: Nourishing, intuitive, protective, moody, sensitive, maternal, domestic, childish, cautious, creative.

e  Leo: Proud, dignified, vain, expressive, romantic, generous, childish, overbearing, self-assured, creative.

f  Virgo: Perfection-seeking, practical, methodical, petty, critical, studious, discriminating, cautious, never satisfied.

g  Libra: Charming, sociable, peace-loving, refined, diplomatic, artistic, indecisive, apathetic, easily deterred.

h  Scorpio: Passionate, secretive, penetrating, resourceful, suspicious, manipulative, jealous, sarcastic, intolerant, determined, aware.

i  Sagittarius: Freedom-loving, philosophical, optimistic, enthusiastic, careless, impatient, talkative, a know-it-all, broadminded, athletic, honest.

j  Capricorn: Serious, responsible, practical, hardworking, stubborn, brooding, inhibited, status-conscious, domineering, unforgiving.

k  Aquarius: Progressive, individualistic, unpredictable, cold, intellectual, artistic, eccentric, shy, impersonal, scientific.

l  Pisces: Compassionate, intuitive, ungrounded, romantic, impractical, self-sacrificing, seductive, musical, artistic.