Dear Flora, About 9 months ago I ended my 6 year relationship with my long term partner. We were great friends, and had a wonderful shared life together but I was no longer sexually attracted to her.
Shortly after we broke up I had an intense but brief romance with a high-profile woman I knew and had been attracted to for some time. We had a fantastic connection, and were absolute dynamite in bed together. I ignored warning signs and became deeply involved with this woman who I knew had a pattern of making people fall for her and then pulling away. And then that is exactly what happened. Exactly at the three month mark when it was clear we needed to make a decision about where things were headed she gave me a list of reasons why she couldn’t be in a relationship with me. Even though I should have seen it coming I was stunned. I haven’t spoken to her again (because I am too proud), but I have thought about her obsessively ever since.
I feel sad, disappointed and stupid. Like a typical cliché, I foolishly thought that what we had was “different” and “special”. I can’t shake the shame and disappointment that this happened to me. Strangely I am more affected by the ending of this three month affair than I was by the end of my six year relationship. It has been four months since it ended and I still can’t move past this. I feel stuck because part of me doesn’t want to let go and doesn’t want to move on. I am holding onto a tiny shred of hope that won’t go away.
How can I move forward if part of me is refusing to let go? I have just purchased the Sacred Heart flower essence, but is there anything else you can suggest I do? I am going to see a Naturopath/Kinesiologist next week, and I have started mindfulness meditation.
Can you see me moving on from this soon? Is there something deeper that I should be directing my attention to? Thanking you in advance, Cassandra
Dear Cassandra, With compassion, I reflect back to you the potent statements you courageously shared in your inquiry about flower essence support. If you are willing, allow your heart to remain broken wide open as you slowly read your words being mirrored back to you. Breathe these messengers straight into your heart. If it be your will, simply allow them the space to inform and guide you. Nothing more. Nothing less. When you feel ready, take a deep breath, and read on, with self-love.
I ignored warning signs . . .
Even though I should have seen it coming . . .
. . . I am too proud . . .
. . . obsessively . . .
I feel sad, disappointed, and stupid . . .
I can’t shake the shame and disappointment . . .
. . . this happened to me.
Strangely . . .
I still can’t move past this.
I feel stuck . . .
. . . part of me doesn’t want to let go . . .
. . . doesn’t want to move on.
I am holding onto a tiny shred . . .
How can I move forward . . .
. . . refusing to let go?
[answer]Cassandra, the wisest guide of all is the one that abides within your own heart. I am tempted to close here, demonstrating my complete and utter faith in your process. At the same time, I am keenly aware, when any one of us is experiencing the painful consequences of our choices, we can be rendered temporarily incapable of communing with our inner guide until we are lovingly escorted back home—to ourselves. May my reply serve as your escort.
Sacred Heart flower essence formula is a perfect choice. It addresses heart-break, co-dependency, and enmeshment, and assists us in building and maintaining healthy heart boundaries. It is appropriate for heart matters.
“How can I move forward if part of me is refusing to let go,” you asked? You can’t, but you already knew that, too, I am certain. I offer this gentle reminder—letting go is a process. You are supporting your process beautifully with your decision to begin mindfulness meditation, to seek the outside support of a Naturopath/Kinesiologist, and to call upon the flower essences.
You asked, “Can you see me moving on from this soon?” Perhaps, rather than moving on, you are moving “toward” your Self, and in your own unique timing.
Lastly, you inquired, “Is there something deeper that I should be directing my attention to?” Let’s experiment with reframing this question. First read it as you asked it. Do a scan of your thoughts, feelings and emotional response to that inquiry. How does your body feel? Now, clear your mind, re-center yourself, and try the question worded this way, “What is it my deeper Self is inviting me to direct my attention to?” Which question leaves you feeling more empowered?
Cassandra, may the energy of this New Moon mark a new relationship—with yourself—one that is “different” and “special.” Bless your Sacred Heart, Jane