I was born on March 27th, 1980 in Australia by caesarian section. I recently discovered that Mars was retrograde at this time which I believe is only true for about 9% of the people. I’m interested to know how this energy manifests in everyday life and in the character and tendencies of those born at these times. So far in my life I have had quite a bit of emotional trauma beginning in infancy. I responded to this trauma very early on by disconnecting from strong emotion and constructing an impervious exterior of independence, resilience and sometimes ambivalence. While this served me well in childhood, it is now severely impacting on my ability to be authentic with myself and with others. This has really come into sharp focus since beginning psychotherapy five months ago. I can intellectualize very well but I am incredibly resistant to FEELING anything particularly when regressing to childhood experiences. It has also hindered my creativity and self expression and I’m not even going to start on my love relationships. I feel like there is something raging inside of me, desperate to be released but I don’t know what to do about it. Having said all that, I am also a very self-aware person which makes it all the more frustrating. For some reason I’ve always held in my mind that the age of 28 will be a turning point. As I am turning 28 this March I was wondering what light you can shed. Thank you.
You have given a powerful personal description of what it feels like to have your natal Mars retrograde – something raging inside of me, resistant, frustrated, desperate for release, and hindered. These are all words that do express your experience of Mars retrograde. While I will give you some information on Mars retrograde it is important to know that is crucial to examine your own Mars position by sign, house and aspect as well as to determine if or when it will progress to direct motion in your life. When any natal planet is retrograde in our birth chart it will feel like some of the power of that planet is lost, it will take more time and work to be able to access and direct the energy of that planet, and yet this planet is a focal point in your chart which can and should be a key to your healing, success and spiritual growth. Many astrologers do suggest that natal retrogrades indicate a series of past lives when this planetary energy was misused or neglected. However, you may or may not believe in reincarnation but you do know that you have experienced “quite a bit of emotional trauma” in this life. Whatever the cause in this life or others what is important is to understand that you will have to work extra hard to learn how to free your full energy and potential. The Mars retrograde personality often experiences a lack of connection with their genuine needs creating ongoing difficulty and frustration in coordinating thought, feeling and action. This can cause deep feelings of guilt and blame which isolate the individual as they have learned to sublimate their needs. Since your Mars is in Leo you are a strong, proud and talented person but also struggling with feelings of weakness, defensiveness and frustrated power. Remember that your Mars progressed to direct motion when you were 10 years old leaving you a whole life to heal and succeed. Your natal Mars is squaring Uranus and Venus but it is also conjunct your North Node of the Moon, sextile Pluto and trine Neptune. As you mentioned you are both self-aware, working effectively in therapy and seeking to further your spiritual growth by looking at your chart but you are also struggling and suffering as one would expect with these mixed natal aspects. With hard work, you can heal the challenging aspects to your Mars and build on the positive ones. I noticed that you said “let’s not even start on my love relationships” which is understandable with your Mars in your 7th house of relationships. When your love life changes and is loving and supportive for you, you will know that your Mars has been healed. In the meantime you are headed into your 1st Saturn return in 2009 marking this as a time of greater freedom, awareness and release if you have done the work (the therapy is crucial so keep up the good work) and this year transiting Uranus is going to oppose your Saturn leading to significant breakthroughs and release in your therapy and healing. Ages 28 and 29 are going to be transitional and a definite turning point in your life as you have always known.
I was born on July 21, 1977 in South Africa. I had a difficult upbringing with my parents getting divorced when I was five. My Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom was an only child. I never had the chance to meet my Mom’s parents as they were deceased before I was a year old. After the divorce we moved away to a dodgy area of town with very little to make ends meet. My older half brother was thrown out of the house at age thirteen and never finished school. He got caught up in all sorts of nonsense and resorted to a life of crime and rebellion. It was only my older sister and I living with my Mom. My sister and I are very close and we have often been asked whether we are twins because we are so alike in personality and share the same interests and ideals in life. We often resorted to each other for comfort and security during our troubled childhood and to this day we still offer each other hope and strength in our daily lives. Now that I’m older, I’ve found that the memory of childhood still haunts me with lots of pain and hurt and this has affected me so much. I have low self esteem and find it difficult to trust those I come into contact with. I have this burning ambition within me that wants to improve and put myself out there but, somehow, I don’t have the drive to get things going. I have always been interested in metaphysics and have gained a lot of knowledge on various subjects but, sadly, this is all in theory with hardly any practice. Could you perhaps offer me some insight into my chart and outline the meaning of my current situation? Thank you for your time and wisdom.
I am so pleased to hear that you have chosen to study metaphysics but with your childhood history I would strongly advise you to find a caring and competent therapist who is open to your spiritual interests. A painful childhood with the accompanying loss, low self-esteem, lack of trust of others and difficulty motivating yourself to achieve your potential does require some professional support, guidance and understanding. Remember that a life as a Cancer Sun is one in which your soul is here to release the need to find security and comfort in your family of origin and to find it in yourself and your larger human family. It is crucial to learn to nurture yourself, to find those who can love you and who are safe and trustworthy for you to love as well as to find your place in the world. With natal Uranus in your 4th house of family and childhood the loss of your complete family structure, the loss of not only your father but also your brother as well as the loss of financial and social security is your soul’s impulse to free you to move into your own consciousness, find your own loving sensitivity and become a caring presence in this world. Not an easy path but a liberating and powerful one. With Saturn in Leo, a first house Sun and an Aries Midheaven you are definitely an ambitious person as so many Cancers are (with the earth in Capricorn when the Sun is in Cancer). Your self doubt and self negation is clearly visible with your Mercury so closely conjunct Saturn and your Moon in Virgo. You could benefit by reading about these positions to further understand your feelings. A caring therapist would be especially helpful now that you have completed your first Saturn return and transiting Uranus is approaching a crucial opposition to your Moon in 2009 (you are ready to liberate your past and the sadness you carry) and the transit of Pluto to your natal Sun will be over by later this year. All of these transits describe your current recognition of your need to heal but they also indicate that the time has arrived when you can make very substantial progress this year and next year. Also notice that your progressed Venus has yet to conjunct your natal Sun which it will do in your 30’s bringing a genuine love, capacity to receive love and a growing happiness as well as possibly home and family. There are many positive aspects in your natal chart and you can achieve a great deal of self awareness, love and success in this life.