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Cancer New Moon Eclipse: Feel The Love

By Jessica Shepherd

The thing about living in Hawaii is… everyone wants to visit. Your brother from another mother. Your fifth cousin three times removed who just found you on Ancestry.com. Everyone. All this visiting has lit up my Aries-Libra-Cancer chart like a pinball machine. In my family, I was taught to play by the rules, to not honor what I need. You can imagine how easy it is to wind up feeling like everyday is “groundhog day”: you’re sitting there, and, bam! here we go again. The energetic field surrounding family – with all its invisible rules and dynamics- is so strong. It takes supreme consciousness to do differently.

For instance, I’m at the dinner table. The energy field starts to feel very dis-resonant (not feeling good). No one shows any sign of moving. That’s when the voices start… You can’t leave. They will think you’re selfish. They traveled all this way to see you. You can hold on for a few more minutes, five, okay ten minutes (Alarm bells!! By the time I’m bargaining with myself I’m wayyyy past the point of being able to bargain).

If people are unconscious or pushing past their limits (which frequently happens in social and family dynamics) I feel it. They may be able to ignore those signals. I cannot, not any longer. The more connected I’ve become, the more I can feel what’s truly going on.

What I want to do: get up, leave, to take care of myself… deeply challenges the family programming that says I cannot. Big pushback.

Deep breath: I am allowed to take care of myself.

I have permission to take care of myself. Permission. This has been big work.

Not “F*** you, I’m going to do what I want…” because that never feels good. I’m a Cancer, I’m a healer, so I’m oriented to help the good of All. If taking care of myself means truly hurting another, I won’t do it. But when I investigate that thought, 99% of the time it’s a lie. Because: When I take care of myself, I am also taking care of others.

How can this be true?

Reframing What It Means to Be Loving

Here is a conundrum all people with a sensitive and kind heart will understand: it’s too easy to confuse kindness and compassion with self-sacrifice, love with enabling others.

I am a healer. My childhood was my first training ground. I felt my family’s stress, and so did my best to ease their burdens by being caring, loving and essentially self-denying. As a healer, I brought healing by sponging up their negativity, donating my energy, and lightening the load of all.

That approach worked in my career of helping others, too. Until it didn’t any longer. I felt physically crappy, a lot. Eventually I realized I didn’t like donating my light to unconscious people. It was a joyless task. It brought me down. It took a ton of my energy to transmute theirs, became a full time job, and, as to whether it actually helped them to heal, often my energy didn’t make a visible ounce of long-term difference. Plus, there was no room for ME, for what I wanted, in that equation. It was time to think about me.

Slowly, I have begun to understand that while being loving and healing once meant indiscriminately giving my energy to those in need, now the opposite is true. Now… 

When I take care of myself, I am also taking care of others.

Often the most loving thing I can do in a dis-resonant energy field, or unconscious dynamics, is to leave it. In offering my light, I’m allowing the dynamic or person to continue at its/their present state. Like buying an alcoholic another drink at the bar, my presence, even “my desire to help” enables them… to continue. In removing my energy from an unconscious situation/person, I am one less energy supporting it. Even if they don’t choose to wake up, I’m helping by not contributing my energy to the situation.

How uncaring, how cold, how unloving…I should be more compassionate…

How many times have I heard myself think this? How many times have my truly caring, sensitive, clients said this to me about their own relationships? Countless. We misunderstand love. Love is not self-sacrifice. Love is not turning a blind eye to the truth, and hanging around for more of the lie. Love is not giving our life blood and light indiscriminately. Love is what feels good to us. Love is truth. Love is joy. Only then are we truly able to offer something of value to another.

Besides, we can never truly give love to another; we can only embody it by standing in truth and light. Think about this deeply, feel its truth. Those who have “loved” you gave you the gift of showing you how to love. It is impossible to give another what you do not have.

By widening our capacity to love our self, to honor what feels right, true, good in any situation for us, we lead by example, saying: See, THIS is love. This is how we do it. 

Because, if it’s not feeling good for me it can’t possibly be feeling good for you. We are far too connected to have anything other than this to be true.

That’s leadership. That’s healing. That’s LOVE.

How different this is from what I was taught, or even the paradigm that existed just a few years ago– one which allowed me to support others by sacrificing my self.

Cancer New Moon Eclipse

This Solar Eclipse in Cancer highlights self-defeating patterns of care-taking and self-sacrifice for the sake of “love”, belonging, family, support, nurturing, healing. Have you been confusing self-sacrifice with “being loving”? Honoring your self with being selfish? Are you engaged in patterns that leave you feeling depleted, invisible, used?

Take it from a Cancer South Node: the classic Cancer shadow is making one’s own needs so secondary to others that you literally become a ghost in your own life. Invisible.

It is time to change all of that. Eclipses are the hour hand of the cosmic clock. They accelerate change. They say: “you’ve been doing this pattern your whole life, and time’s up!!!”. Eclipses do bring a level of emotional chaos and drama, hence, the Ego’s dread about them, but always in the service of changing entrenched, habituated, patterns so that we can take our self-empowerment to the next level. And you can multiply this last statement times one-hundred — since this eclipse opposes Pluto, planet of wounding. Pluto says, “You’ve been hurt, here, many times before. You don’t have to keep hurting.”

And you know what’s empowering? Changing a pattern without needing anyone to be different than who they are. Even if the people we love choose to do otherwise, WE do not have to keep perpetuating unconscious wounding with our energy; we do not have to deny our connection to Divinity. Standing in Light and Truth, we can see that love has absolutely nothing to do with playing by “the rules”, being “supportive”, “compassionate” or “kind”. Love has no shoulds, no requirements. Love never asks you to cut off your corners to fit into a round hole. Love has everything to do with the love we feel, on the inside.

That’s when we know that we are Love. We feel it.

 

 

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About Jessica Shepherd

Jessica Shepherd is a writer, astrologer and health coach who has studied and practiced modern astrology since 1992. She is the author of A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets For Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life (Llewellyn, 2010) and the books Venus Signs: Discover Your Erotic Gifts and Secret Desires Through Astrology
(Llewellyn, 2015) and Karmic Dates and Momentary Mates: The Astrology of the Fifth House (Moonkissd, 2014). In 2018, after living in California for twenty years, she relocated to Honolulu, Hawaii with her husband, dog, and cat. Find out more about Jessica at Moonkissd (www.moonkissd.com).

Comments

  1. Walter Wray Jr says

    Jul 15, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    Beautifully expressed, and at the heart of matter. From “a guy”

    Reply
    • Jessica Shepherd says

      Jul 16, 2018 at 2:58 pm

      Walter, So nice to hear the perspective of “a guy”. xx Jessica

      Reply
  2. Luna says

    Jul 12, 2018 at 9:26 am

    Thank you for this article, Jessica. It resonates with me as I am also a South Node in Cancer person and have been learning these lessons in my life.
    One thing I noticed about my giving is that as I consider selfless giving an expression of love, I expect it from others, too. I am usually not aware of my anger when this is not forthcoming but I’ve had enough experiences by now proving to me that it is there.
    I have learned that I won’t be able to liberate myself from the giving habit unless I liberate others from my unconscious expectations, which is much harder!
    Have a wonderful New Moon eclipse time!

    Reply
  3. Chris says

    Jul 12, 2018 at 7:01 am

    As I read this, I kept thinking of my deceased sister-in-law. Definitely the healer of the family, wanting everyone to just get along….and never truly took care of herself. I didn’t realize until I looked up her birthday just now that she was a Cancer, and the cruel irony is that cancer swiftly took her life.

    Reply
  4. Rosemary says

    Jul 12, 2018 at 5:41 am

    This is so beautifully written and so so true. I have recently gone thru this shift with my family and I must say that the dynamics between now is completely different and much more loving, accepting and respectful. I am so grateful for the shift and the love that was waiting on the other side. It took many many years of tears, confusion, frustration and so much more. But it was worth EVERY piece of it. Thank you for posting and putting words to a path that may not be easy but it is so worth it.!

    Reply
  5. Dasa says

    Jul 12, 2018 at 4:31 am

    On my god, thats exactlly what i need to read!!! Thank you million times

    Reply
  6. J says

    Jul 12, 2018 at 2:12 am

    “Eventually I realized I didn’t like donating my light to unconscious people. It was a joyless task.”

    Oh my goodness… SOOOooo over it.
    Appreciating your resonant words.

    Blessed Be,
    dear Jessica

    Reply
  7. Danielle says

    Jul 11, 2018 at 10:21 am

    I felt like I was reading an autobiography of my life. So empowering to know that Im not alone in my stance against sacrificing my happiness for the hapiness of others.

    Its the day before the eclipse and I decided to take a day off and care for ME, and I end up reading this.

    Thank you for this article, and may you receive the peace and healing youve so Lovingly shared with the world.

    Danielle

    Reply
    • Jessica Shepherd says

      Jul 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

      Congratulations, Danielle, that’s awesome.

      I don’t know if this speaks to you but one thing that came to mind when I read your words “stance against sacrificing” is that standing against anything creates a polarity in oneself. When it’s either/only me -or- you it’s hard to feel good about either option.

      I’ve been reframing this with the idea of allowing. Practically, this might look like: Consciously acknowledge the strong feeling pull of others’ wants/desires (and be honest: most of the time, even if they think they need you, they don’t). Fully feel and acknowledge your own response. Then, from that place of awareness, stand in the center and explore “I am allowed to take care of myself”.

      This practice creates space, permission… and curiosity about what you actually do want and need in that moment… which the tug of war can obscure.

      xx
      Jessica

      Reply
  8. Linda Schiller-Hanna says

    Jul 11, 2018 at 8:32 am

    You must have followed me around for 70 years and taken notes.
    This is so SPOT ON (article on codependency)…that I am nearly in tears.
    I am going to read it, print it, and circulate it with your blessing.

    BRILLIANT. HELPFUL. THE BEST EVER!
    Thanks from the bottom of my exhausted heart.

    Reply
  9. Siva says

    Jul 11, 2018 at 4:39 am

    Thank you.

    Reply
  10. Elizabeth Guida says

    Jul 10, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    As said numerous times, ‘there are no accidents’! Of course I just opened Mooncircles to read your wonderful authentic and empowering post. Just had a friend earlier email me with very judgemental and ‘intimidating’ remarks hoping I would bite the ‘bait’ as I have been known to do in the past. NOT this time! I did reply with a direct and respectful response closing it in a firm way, advising that this was to be my only response as that was truly the ‘loving oneself’ and therefore her as well action to be taken. It felt good and I am good with whatever unfolds. Thank you for this major affirmation. May this reach many others at this exact ‘crossroad’, then there will be even MORE Love and Light in this weary but wonderful World! Namaste!

    Reply

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The Moon is in its
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in the
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Today's Lunar Aspects (Greenwich Mean Time)
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  • Moon sextile Venus, 9:59pm  Jul 1 2022

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Astrologers use a variety of house systems, or methods of dividing up the sky into twelve sections. I use the Porphyry house system; another popular house system is Placidus (this is the default on https://astro.com). If the chart I send you looks different from what you are used to seeing, then likely a system other than Porphyry was used. Whole signs, Equal House, Regiomantus, and Campanus are examples of other systems. If you find all of this confusing, do not worry. It is likely not critical to your report.

m  Conjunction:  Like peas in a pod, planets in conjunction tend to come from the same place. They act together, but it’s also hard to tell them apart. This aspect can increase talent, focus, and intensity (“two are better than one”). Or one planet can disappear as the other dominates. Their connection feels so natural, it’s easy to think everyone blends these planetary energies just as you do—but mostly, they don’t!.

p  Sextile:  Planets in sextile are compatible, though without any fireworks. This aspect doesn’t demand your attention. It quietly presents an opportunity. You can join these archetypal forces. Donna Cunningham has called this the “Oh, that!” aspect, because that’s generally what her clients say when she describes their benefits.  To get the most from sextiles you need to actively work them.

q  Square:  Squares are wild and wonderful—but difficult too. The power struggle between these planets was likely defined in your youth, when they were impossibly challenging. People are usually aware of their squares. They force the issues that make you to grow. And that’s their gift. They ensure you learn your lessons. When you rise to the occasion, they bless you with energy, action, and success.

r  Trine:  Michael Munkasey has dubbed this the “goddess aspect” because it’s so lovely. Identifying talents you may have perfected in a previous life, trines can bring you joy. There’s a nice flow of energy between planets in trine. They support and reinforce each another. But without any struggle, you might take them for granted—neither using nor developing their gifts. An unattended trine can sometimes trick you into negative behaviors.

t  Inconjunct/Quincunx:  Your quincunx planets are innately incompatible. Bringing them into harmonious expression requires constant adjustments. This can be stressful, also motivating. You’ve got to keep changing your process, opinions or attitude—which promotes highly creative solutions.

u  Opposition:  They say opposites attract—and planets in opposition are never far from each other, though they’re constantly bickering. You may be triggered into awareness of this aspect by other people who seem to resist or undermine you.  An opposition can make you feel uncertain, insecure, or discontent, until you can accept and see yourself in both energies. Typically people find it easier to identify with one side and project the other onto unsuspecting others in the outer world.

First House: Personality, physical body, beginnings. Includes the Ascendant and rules physical appearance, the image you project to others, your general outlook on life, how you start things; may describe your role in your family system, often guides your first impression of immediate environment.

Second House: Money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions, talents.

Third House: Communication, thoughts, language skills like writing and speaking, early schooling, siblings and neighbors, short trips, coming and going around town.

Fourth House: Your home, psychological foundations and roots, family, parents, domestic life, instinctive behavior, ancestry, your connection with the past, sense of security, domestic life, real estate. conditions at the end of life.

Fifth House: Children, creativity, romance; pleasure, entertainment, self-expression; all forms of “play”, speculation, gambling, and attitude towards taking risks; hobbies, attitude towards romance, lovers as opposed to partners, attitude towards having fun.

Sixth House: Work and job (as opposed to career), daily life, attitude towards service and coworkers, helpfulness, pets, attitude towards routine and organization, how you refine and perfect your skills.

Seventh House: Partnerships, one-to-one relationships, marriage, the first marriage, the “significant other”, business partnerships, competitors, open enemies, lawyers, mediators, counselors, contracts, negotiations, agreements. clients/the public.

Eighth House: Transformations and crisis, your ability to meet and rebound from crisis and change, sexuality; sex, death and rebirth, rituals and personal growth, your partner’s resources, addictions, psychology, other people’s money, taxes, divorce/alimony, inheritance.

Ninth House: Attitude toward expanding horizons, religious beliefs and personal philosophy, higher education, long-distance travel, morals, foreign languages and cultures, personal truths, publishing, commerce, advertising, your sense of adventure.

Tenth House: Career and profession, your contribution to society, social status, public reputation, material success, how you carve out a public identity for yourself; attitude toward authority figures, parents, caregivers, bosses, governments, attitude towards responsibility, desire for achievement.

Eleventh House: Friends, groups, organizations; hopes, wishes, aspirations, personal goals; your philanthropic attitude, concern for the collective, humanity; like tenth, can bring recognition and honors for fulfilling hopes and dreams.

Twelfth House: What’s hidden beneath the surface, karmic dustbin, limiting childhood/past-life messages, self-undoing, hidden enemies, hidden weaknesses, dreams, secret affairs, lost items, hospitals and prisons, hidden strengths, spiritual studies and soul growth.

A  Sun: Our vitality and magnetism; self-identity, ego.
Roles: The Self, the Hero, the Performer, the King.

B  Moon: Intuition, emotion, nurture.
Roles: The Mother, the High Priestess, the Child.

C  Mercury: Mind; physical dexterity and mental agility.
Roles: The Thinker, the Communicator, the Student, the Trickster, the Merchant, the Thief.

D  Venus: Our capacity for pleasure, receptivity, creativity, and social connection. Also indicates our relationships, self esteem, and financial abundance.
Roles: The Lover, the Seductress, the Artist.

E  Mars: Desire, initiative, anger.
Roles: The Protector, the Athlete, the Warrior.

F  Jupiter: Luck, opportunity, expansion, higher learning, religion.
Roles: The Scholar, the Gypsy, the Traveler, the Monk, the Professor.

G  Saturn: Hard work, commitment, focus, inadequacy, leadership, suffering, loss.
Roles: The Task Master, the Grim Reaper, the Wise Old Man, the Builder, the Cynic, the Boss.

H  Uranus: Change, breakthroughs, upsets, discoveries.
Roles: The Revolutionary, the Humanitarian, the Visionary, the Snob.

I  Neptune: Imagination, spirituality, idealism, addictions, deception, compassion.
Roles: The Artist, the Romantic, the Guru, the Addict, the Martyr, the Victim.

J  Pluto: Transformation, power, psychological dynamics, helplessness.
Roles: The Terrorist, the Detective, the Psychotherapist, the Dictator, shady people.

a  Aries: Pioneering, competitive, selfish, impatient, courageous, reckless, independent, dynamic, domineering, “Me first!”

b  Taurus: Patient, stable, lazy, dependable, practical, sensual, stubborn, artistic, possessive, greedy, gentle, loyal.

c  Gemini: Intelligent, curious, adaptable, quick-witted, restless, clever, scatterbrained, lacking follow-through.

d  Cancer: Nourishing, intuitive, protective, moody, sensitive, maternal, domestic, childish, cautious, creative.

e  Leo: Proud, dignified, vain, expressive, romantic, generous, childish, overbearing, self-assured, creative.

f  Virgo: Perfection-seeking, practical, methodical, petty, critical, studious, discriminating, cautious, never satisfied.

g  Libra: Charming, sociable, peace-loving, refined, diplomatic, artistic, indecisive, apathetic, easily deterred.

h  Scorpio: Passionate, secretive, penetrating, resourceful, suspicious, manipulative, jealous, sarcastic, intolerant, determined, aware.

i  Sagittarius: Freedom-loving, philosophical, optimistic, enthusiastic, careless, impatient, talkative, a know-it-all, broadminded, athletic, honest.

j  Capricorn: Serious, responsible, practical, hardworking, stubborn, brooding, inhibited, status-conscious, domineering, unforgiving.

k  Aquarius: Progressive, individualistic, unpredictable, cold, intellectual, artistic, eccentric, shy, impersonal, scientific.

l  Pisces: Compassionate, intuitive, ungrounded, romantic, impractical, self-sacrificing, seductive, musical, artistic.