I was chatting recently with a friend who told me that she has been accused of being “too independent.” As I’m a bit that way inclined myself, we laughed together and tried to wrap our minds around the concept of “too much” independence.
Do you find the give and take of human relationships challenging? When I got married, the biggest adjustment I faced was getting used to running things past another person before I took action. I find it difficult to let others do things for me. Working in groups is tricky because I’m inclined to move at my own pace, and that pace is usually pretty fast. Plus, if I’m honest, I just like to have things my own way.
But I’m getting to that age when you begin to think about what will become of you when you get old and perhaps have no choice but to rely upon the kindness of others. Will I handle it gracefully? Or – the more chilling question – will there be anyone who is willing to show me these kindnesses? Will all these years of standing on my own come back to haunt me when I can no longer stand up by myself?
Sometimes that day comes much sooner than we’d have expected. A colleague, Kelly Lee Phipps, was recently diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer at the age of 42. I don’t know him, really—exchanged a couple of emails, met briefly at a conference—so I was surprised by my strong reaction to the news. I’m certainly not alone. On Facebook, the outpouring of support for him has been enormous, for Kelly is genuinely loved by his community of astrologers, a consequence of many years spent being himself in public and inviting others along for the crazy, joyful ride.
In Ecclesiastes it’s written, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up.” When Kelly fell, he had many to lift him up, but more importantly he has given himself over to his community’s love and support with grace and characteristic humor. He’s given me a lot of food for thought about the joyfulness and human necessity of sharing our lives with others, and about the meaning of generosity – it’s not just about giving to others, but about letting them give to us as well.
Aries and worn-out paradigms of independence
It’s eclipse time, and this Full Moon offers our first eclipse in Aries since 2006. (The last one near this eclipse degree, 25.45 Aries, was a lunar eclipse on October 17, 2005). Aries is the sign of the lone wolf who asks no quarter of any man and who gives none. In our Aries selves we stand alone, unencumbered by attachments that might slow our trajectory. Blocked by the earth’s shadow, this impulsive and independent Full Moon in Aries warrior feels keenly alone, possibly physically diminished. But it’s an illusion; just hidden from view, the Sun in Libra offers close friends and loved ones who stand waiting to lift him up and give him strength, if he’ll only let them.
A lunar eclipse at the Moon’s South Node tells of the culture’s struggle with worn-out paradigms of independence. Our television sets, movie theaters, and newspapers are filled with mythic tales of pioneering astronauts drifting weightlessly in space, of a defeated high school chemistry teacher who’s broken bad, of madmen who dream of a society in which each of us who has the bad fortune to outlive his friends and family must face illness alone, probably bankrupt, with no one to lift him up.
In America, it seems we’ve always romanticized the man who lives and dies on his own terms, flouting the conventions of society (and for that matter, religion) that demand we take the needs of others into account. As if you can’t be your own person and still be civilized.
Jupiter in Cancer, squaring the Sun and Moon at this eclipse, has no time for such false dichotomies. Like a wise and sensible mother it declares, “We are all individuals. But when one of us falls, we lift him up. That’s what a family does.” Not everyone was lucky enough to be raised by a family like that, but I was, and I think it gave me the courage to be independent. I took it for granted that there would always be someone there. And when you know that you have a soft place to fall, you are willing to reach much higher and to dream much bigger.
For now, we are so many of us damn close to falling, and we feel the peril and don’t dare dream. Strong and brilliant young men are fighting cancer while callous men gamble with the fate of a nation. At this eclipse we are like crazed, maddened animals, crouched in the eclipse’s shadow, longing for light and hungry for something to make sense.
But there are bright spots that give me great hope. In our tiny hand-picked communities, when someone gets sick or suffers some other tragedy it’s heartening to see others rushing to their aid. It’s good to be reminded that for all our fierce independence, we haven’t completely lost the knack of community; that we’re all members of the family, if we’ll just let ourselves be. And that the best way to ensure that you won’t ever have to face the worst that life can give you on your own, is to make sure no one else has to.
© 2013 by April Elliott Kent
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Dear April,
I totally agree, & thnx for sharing. <3
Hi April!
Wonderful post! I actually wanted to share that my bday is on Oct 17. Last 2005 I decided to move overseas even if my family was against it. I’ve spent the last few years just trying to survive on my own and feel like the “lone wolf”.
Yesterday it was a more than stressful day at work and I was nearly in tears just because I was so frustrated with my co-workers and management. But my co-workers surprised me by buying me cake and greeting me a happy birthday.
I’ve never felt so moved in my life. I usually don’t expect people to do stuff for me so this was a very humbling experience for me.
Risu, thank you so much for sharing your story. A lunar eclipse on your birthday means the Sun in your birth chart is being aspected by the eclipse point. I’ve always interpreted this as meaning that this is a year when you are called to be more of a king or queen of your own life – the one who makes the decisions about what happens to you, even if those decisions are unpopular. Certainly that was what you did in 2005, making a bold, brave (and very Aries) decision to move far from home. Something tells me that with strength and courage like that, you will pull through and do better than simply survive. Clearly, your co-workers also recognize something very special in you. Happy (almost) birthday, and I wish you strength, valor, and happiness in the year ahead!
April, great writing! The powerful feeling you must’ve had while writing this has come through in your beautiful post. I love reading about Aries, both the harsh and worshipful opinions of many. Levelheaded and constructive, your writing is some of my favourite! And I love getting your newsletter!
This was a very inspiring entry, April, and so very poignant of the tense and difficult current time. Thank you for writing this. I just ordered your eclipse report with Moonshadow, and hope that my purchase helps support your astrological writings, which I have found helpful and useful each month. Ad astara (to the stars), sincerely with best wishes, Vanessa
I loved reading your article, April! Funny because I never thought about Aries as someone lonely. A lone wolf. But does in fact make sense. Most of the sign of Aries is in my 1st house and 2nd. I’ve always thought of myself that way (and I even doubt that my birth hour was correct..). Saturn in 11nd house won’t let me believe in the great human family that is there to give us solace when we fell off… And I didn’t have the opportunity to live in a “Jup in Cancer family” (I have Venus in Cancer in 4th house), but I believe that Yes, she’d be there for me whenever I needed it (my parentes died when I was a young girl). So most of the time if I had learned to stand up alone without help. Today with 50 years old, I know I have a few close friends who are here to help (but I have to ask this, because otherwise they will not know that I need them!) and sometimes this aid come from unexpected sources (even via the internet or Facebook), bringing comfort when needed.
Thank You!