What do I need to do to win him back? He loved me deeply once, what can I do or say to make that happen again? My heart is utterly destroyed. Please help.–Sabina
While the mythical Goddess Aphrodite loved the challenge of winning someone’s heart and would do anything in her power (case in point: her magic girdle) to kindle another’s desire for her, most mortals don’t want the kind of drama that ensues from manipulating another’s affections (second case in point: the Trojan War). Deep down, I’m guessing you don’t either. You’re simply heartbroken – and no one likes to feel that. But trying to get someone back is infinitely more painful than any break up. Instead of “How can I get him back?” you might ask, “What did this person show me about myself? What did I learn about myself?” In a nutshell: consider that you may be focused on the wrong quest – and question.
I encourage you to look at what this relationship has showed you about your self. For instance, if he showed you how wonderful, beautiful, lucky and blessed you were while you two were together your challenge is to step into that all the time.
As a Pisces Sun, co-ruled by the planet Jupiter (in your seventh house), on the arm of your Jupiter partner you tend to feel blessed and lucky -like a million bucks. But you need to beware of making your human partners into Gods or Goddesses. When this happens, you tend to easily overestimate what another can do for you, or put unearned faith in them which can lead to feeling let down, or worse, blindsighted. While there’s nothing better than experiencing Jupiterian exuberance, possibilities and good times with another, when we let them carry all that potential, we will be the one left holding an empty basket when they’re gone.
There are many questions you can ask your self to help you move on from pain and into spiritual understanding. Like: Did they show you a talent, gift, or strength you wouldn’t have acknowledged otherwise? Identify at least one gift they gave you. I call this process “mining our difficult relationships for gold”. My books, A Love Alchemist’s Notebook and Karmic Dates and Momentary Mates offer more tools on how to turn leaden heartbreak into golden pearls of wisdom.
Most of us have a number of partners in life, so obviously not all are meant to last, but I am convinced that each meaningful relationship in our life was placed on our path for our growth. We may not be immortals, with their powers of persuasion and ability to change people and situations to their advantage, but we humans have a different agenda than winning. We get to learn through love. And when we take up the quest to learn from the love’s sharp edges, we move forward with wisdom and inner strength- which makes us more attractive to future lovers!