Dear Venus, I’ve often struggled with my romantic life. I often find myself in situations where I end up doubting my every move, whether I’m letting someone walk all over me or I’m doing the opposite and demanding respect. I have an even more difficult time knowing if I should or should not let certain situations go or if I should hold on to hope. I am wondering if I’ll ever find that balance or if this will always be a battle and if after all of this, if I’ll ever really be able to love or trust someone. Thank you, Monica.
Dear Monica, With Neptune on your Descendant, your cosmic relationship homework, to some degree, requires you to become conscious of any delusional thinking, in both yourself and others. This can run the spectrum from being attracted to someone chaotic and messy (not just around the house, but in life) or who needs rescuing, to your relationship ideals and hopes getting in the way of seeing the real picture (for instance, you hold out for hope, when reality, and likely your girlfriends, are telling you that your love interest needs far more than you can give them).
Yet your Venus in Virgo is indeed capable of being utterly practical about partnering as this Venus sign possesses an unusually strong sense of discernment in this area. However, low self-esteem can dismantle the strengths of any Venus sign, turning her light into shadow. Do you waver between feeling both inadequate and superior to your partners? Do you worry, fret and re-hash past interactions? This is a sign you’re in Venus shadow territory… a murky junkyard of broken hearts. When you walk around in this negative space, it’s impossible to access connection, love and pleasure.
Here’s a radical suggestion: If you’re not feeling honored or respected, you’re the one not honoring or respecting your self. If I know need a responsive listener in a partner, I can ask for it, but I’m not going to stick around if the other person isn’t capable of giving it to me (with a caveat: some relations, ie, bosses, family, we may not leave. Those require firm boundaries). If I do stick around with someone who doesn’t demonstrate the capacity to have an intelligent conversation about things that matter to me, then I’m dis-respecting my self. Venus teaches us that respect and honor is never about attempting to squeeze blood from a turnip, but walking our talk. We teach others how to treat us, by example. If you consistently waver between demanding respect or letting someone walk all over you, it’s an opportunity to see exactly how, and where, you are not honoring you.
Self-esteem is generated by honoring and taking action on behalf of your own desires, wants and needs. There are no shortcuts to this. Your Venus invitation is clear: if you’re not having the experience you want, change the program. Don’t fall into the trap of believing your love life is doomed; instead, take action. Paste this affirmation onto your bathroom mirror, where you can see it: “When I honor myself, others naturally honor me.” While we can’t change others, or even understand them, we can do the inner work on our self, turning any adversity we experience into wisdom. With Saturn transiting your sixth house, sextile Jupiter in your fourth this year, it’s time to examine and drop any unconscious programming you’ve been carrying around about your worth and deservedness. Remove those obstacles and you’ll clear the path for Jupiter’s visit to your fifth house of true love, next year. Happy 2016!