Dear Aphrodite, I have been in a complicated situation with a man I love for awhile. We are working on a project together and are very intimate on many levels, but he will not consider fully committing to me until the project we are working on is done, which will be in a couple months. Until then, he is continuing to see other women. I have told him that we will have to keep things professional unless he wants to fully commit to me, and he loves his freedom. Yet he pushes those boundaries and misses my affection and emotional support that other women won’t give to him. Is it likely that he will actually commit to me once our professional relationship is finished? Or should I move on to someone who is excited to commit to a relationship with me? Thank you, Elle
Dear Elle, You have a stellium of Scorpio planets (Sun, Uranus and Venus). Scorpio has a tendency to run toward complex, taboo, sticky situations and people that other signs avoid. This is by design, to a degree. There is something inside a Scorpio that needs to experience the kind of inner psychological confrontation that only extreme situations provide– because you can’t be whole and complete without integrating your shadow, that is, facing all the messy, unhealed, hurt, unexplored parts inside of yourself.
Healing past wounds helps Scorpio achieve a fuller self-expression but it’s not the only path. Breaking taboo barriers is another. For instance, Pluto in Scorpio born (1983/4-1995) practice “hook up” culture. For this generation, it’s socially acceptable to casually sleep around. There are arguments going both ways on this, and one interesting take is hook-up culture empowers women.
Yet whenever we’re in a not so straightforward relationship situation, whether hooking up or being the honey on the side, we have to be really honest about our boundaries. Does this feel good? Or does this feel bad? That’s the million-dollar boundary question. If it feels good, you’re not violating your own boundary. If it feels bad on any level, you are betraying your self… and the only person you can hold accountable for this is you. One thing to know about boundaries is they don’t announce their self and go “Hey, you! You just betrayed your self when you made that decision!” Instead they show us we’re out of alignment through emotions like confusion, anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem. Boundaries are necessary for every Scorpio, as you will encounter your fair share of complexity in life- tricky situations that require high levels of self-trust and self-knowing.
You asked, “Should I move on to someone who is excited to commit to a relationship with me?” In this light, think about that for a minute. Does it feel good to have a man you adore excited about other women instead of you? If it doesn’t feel good, you are not honoring you. If it feels good, keep doing what you’re doing (though I don’t think you’d be writing me if it did).
And if you think his excitement will magically change on a date in the future, you are mistaken. Choose to be with someone who wants to be with you right now. That means today, not tomorrow. With transiting Uranus in Aries less than one degree away from entering your fifth house of true love, romance and fun, you are getting this cosmic download even as I write. This is about being present to new relationship opportunities. Surprising new developments are at work in the romance department for you. Free your self from the past to let this in!