Several times over the past few weeks, friends and clients, while talking about their experiences with both making judgments on others, or being unfairly judged, have asked me a leading question, “I bet you have been judged a lot, being in the public eye?” Before my first book was published, I had a channeled reading with one of my teachers who said: Expectations come with this new book and role. Many new people will love and elevate you, and there will be people whom you will disappoint. He was right.
Show me a Libra Rising who wants to disappoint others and I’ll show you an empty room. Yet, it’s true; many have connected with me, but I’ve let others down, too. About my books, I’ve been told that Karmic Dates, is nothing original, no better than what’s found on the web; that A Love Alchemist’s Notebook is too “Chicken Soup For The Soul” (is this a bad thing?). I’ve been told that Venus Signs, because it was written from and for a woman’s perspective, “offers little more than entertainment value”.
If you are committed to being vulnerable and real, there is no armor strong enough to protect you from the sting of judgment. People judge. Some more than others, but people judge. You can’t please everyone. You can only please your self. Because art wouldn’t be created if we spent our time worrying about what others will think or say. Because I don’t want to be the kind of writer or person who is so afraid of owning a perspective that her self-expression is robotic, and instead of producing a work of art, poetry, produces an encyclopedia of knowledge that, while exhaustive in its ability to name all the permutations and possibilities to account for everyone’s perspective who reads it, often reads more like a textbook and fails to touch the human heart. That kind of writing doesn’t turn me on. That kind of writing is not what comes out. It isn’t me.
I have been judged for what I have said, for what I have not said and, like many, I’ve been unjustly judged. Honestly, when my friend asked about being judged, my mind went to an incident I experienced last weekend, at a hotel. A mix of about twenty adults and teenaged kids, who were having a dance party late at night in the hotel lobby, decided to harass me for no apparent reason, as I played with my iPhone from the balcony above. The ringleaders were adults, which surprised me (I later learned, from the clerk, they thought I had complained about them being too noisy; I hadn’t, though they were). I was shocked at the example the adults were teaching kids; essentially, to bully strangers. I actually wondered if I was secretly being filmed on a reality show, because I am so rarely exposed to nasty people anymore that I could only associate them with t.v.
This eclipse falls on my Libra-Pluto, Aries-Mars, Cancer-Sun, Capricorn-North-Node cardinal cross, so I got to revisit the times I’ve bullied, picked on, harassed, violated. I got to revisit all the times I’d been called “gringa”, “white skinny bitch” and “Ethiopian” in junior high; and the time I was attacked in an empty stairwell. I got to revisit times I’ve felt grossly, unjustly misunderstood- to realize how futile it is to attempt to be understood. Heck, I don’t entirely understand me, why I have this particular lesson, only that I am learning, one experience at a time, the more I: refuse to get pulled down by negative behavior, continue to stand in my core value of kindness while deciding to not be a victim and stand up for myself… the more I honor my self. Frankly, it feels good to be at this stage of maturity, where I can so clearly see how much I’ve grown
And that’s why I give gratitude to this eclipse. Eclipses bring up old patterns, to show us how far we’ve come and just how ready we are to grow, to move ten steps ahead and close out the pattern, once and for all. As I’ve observed my clients face similar fast and furious eclipse growth lessons, they’ve been so literal it’s uncanny. One client’s latest love interest, instead of leading with his strengths (the typical way people express interest in having a relationship with us), basically handed her a resume of all the reasons, and warnings, about why she should not date him. Still, for her, breaking old patterns isn’t easy. It isn’t easy for any of us. But right now we can and should reach, because the stronger the evidence we are being given, the more ready we are to end this pattern. As Jimmy Cliff once sang, the harder they come, the harder they fall.
At this Libra Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, our evolution is tied into the lives of others. Who are your teachers right now? What are they showing you about your self? What lesson are you finally ready to graduate? Just because something is happening, again, and looks eerily similar to the past, doesn’t mean that it is a repeat performance, that we’re going down the cosmic toilet bowl, doomed to repeat flush forever. We have a choice: we can get pulled back into the undertow, or we can stand at the helm of our little boat we call our life and make a new choice. From a spiritual perspective, everyone is here to help you grow. Maybe that means experiencing judgment so you can realise only you have the power to give your self away. Maybe others are showing you bad behavior so you can see how good you’ve gotten at honoring you. Or maybe it’s about severing an unhealthy relationship and committing to healthy partnering. Maybe you are learning the Libran values of civility, kindness, empathy, because your behavior is being perceived by others as rude, unkind, tactless or self-absorbed. Whatever “it” is, your current growth path, the Cosmos have been giving you oodles of obvious clues, lately.
As we move into an Aries Sun month, let’s each take confidence in our birthright to unapologetically shine from our center and trust what comes out as true for us. It takes courage to take a stand, whether voicing your political beliefs, addressing injustice, or writing a book from a unique perspective. It takes courage to put your voice and choices out there for the world to see, to stand in your truth, to make yourself vulnerable to judgment. It takes courage to turn corners on an old pattern. You can do this. Just stand in your center, friends, make choices from your deepest, truest values. Because at day’s end, when you rest your head on your pillow, what other people did or said doesn’t matter. What matters most is how you feel about you.