Dear Aphrodite, I am in love with a married man. I could tell he was my first true soul-mate from the first time we met, and only found out weeks later that he is married. We keep in touch, and although I have grieved, and am open to letting go, I can’t help feeling pulled in his direction. I wonder if it is for some other divine purpose, such as a deep friendship, or if we will be more intimately involved some time in the unforeseen future. Thank you, Cat
Dear Cat, Soul mates come in all guises, and, as you’ve learned, unfortunately some of them are already married. This is not an easy pill to swallow because this fact is more than just a complication to having a relationship with you but an obstruction to it. A relationship with him cannot go forward, as it is unfair to his partner, and to you. Deception is never good for anyone involved. Be sure to get clear on this.
Once you honor the preciousness of ooey-gooey soul mate love, once you go through the stages of grieving around this, as you’ve done-AND- gotten clear that this cannot go forward without causing harm, it’s time for soul searching.
The million dollar question is: Why would I fall in love with an unavailable man? Our biggest spiritual lessons are concealed within the life dilemmas in which we find our self. The Ego is always tempted to interpret hard experiences as though we’ve been handed a bad hand, but that only creates a victim mentality. We need to teach our self to look at our “problems” through the eyes of Spirit.
When someone isn’t available to us, and we still hold on, it speaks loads about the way we regard our self. Go into meditation and ask your Higher Self, What is this relationship teaching me? What am I meant to learn from this experience?
I remember when I used to attract guys who didn’t care about me, who were overtly unkind. The day I woke up to the fact I was dating guys who didn’t even like me, I did the above meditation and wrote out my automatic answers in a journal. I realized I had allowed this to happen because it was demonstrated to me so many times by various men in my life. It was a bad habit I’d gotten used to. When I started thinking I deserved to be treated, cared for, adored, like a precious pearl, guess what? That pattern changed. There’s something similar in your story.
Astrologically, with your Libra South Node you’ve got some negative relationship habits to work out. With SN ruler, Venus, square your fifth house Saturn, a past or this-life relationship did not give you the commitment you craved and yet there’s a fearful part of you who goes back for whatever it can get, because receiving crumbs of affection is better than receiving nothing at all. Or so you think. This is a fear-based illusion. You have the ability to change your perception, to see that there’s plenty of love to go around, but you’ll need to leave the scarcity mentality of your second house Capricorn Venus, behind. It’s just a pattern.
Self-worth is always at issue for a second house Venus. There’s something here for you about learning to love yourself, and by living through your values. What do you value most in others? Integrity? Reliability? Humor? Loving-kindness? Now offer those same things to your self. Give your self the love you want to receive, and you will have the key to the kingdom. Blessings, Jessica