In her essential new book, Talking on Eggshells: Soft Skills for Hard Conversations, Sam Horn shares a story about a man whose mother had been in a rest home for three years. He used to dread driving out to see her because all she ever did was complain. Mom’s favorite topics included her roommate (who blared the TV night and day), how no one came to see her, and her numerous aches and pains.
But then one day the son asked himself, “How would I feel if I were stuck in bed eighteen hours a day, seven days a week?” As he tuned in empathetically to his mom’s predicament, he realized that the least he could do was spend time with her on Saturdays and be more supportive. It also occurred to him that she complained all the time because she didn’t have anything else to talk about. So on his next visit, he took a photo album with him. One pic of a crazy uncle had them laughing so hard they couldn’t stop. Another, of their mountain cabin, brought back a host of memories. Now each week he brings a ‘prop’ to stimulate conversation – which helps his mom rediscover happiness through reliving good memories.
This is an example of what the author calls proactive grace, a term she defines as “being resourceful on behalf of a situation and taking the initiative to envision and introduce a new dynamic that creates a better outcome for all involved.” She explains that by asking, “How can I be a force for good in this situation?” we can find the incentive and impetus to get creative and make a real difference.
Soon the Moon will be full in Capricorn, sign of age and wisdom (July 3, 4:38 a.m. PDT). It’s a good time to honor the people, places and institutions we respect, that bring stability and grounding to our lives. As it opposes the Moon, the Sun joins Mercury in Cancer, intensifying memories, family issues and past behaviors. Since Cancer is a “mute” sign, it will be important to read the emotional subtext beneath any puzzling behaviors. As Moon, Sun and Mercury are supported by Saturn in Pisces and Jupiter in Taurus, our watery emotions (Cancer, Pisces) are anchored by earthy traditions (Taurus, Capricorn). Empathy comes from putting ourselves in another’s place; we can then take practical action toward a goal.
This Full Moon happens on a Monday, and Tuesday is Independence Day in the U.S. Many will be celebrating on the Saturday and Sunday beforehand. And that weekend (July 1-2) is enlivened by a square from Venus in fun-loving Leo to Uranus in intractable Taurus. Add to that a culminating Full Moon, and things could be a bit unpredictable. Venus-Uranus is a freedom aspect; for some that could look like breaking free from norms, partying too hard, or letting their freak flag fly. Since Saturn is the Moon’s dispositor, however, it’s wise to strike a balance between rule-breaking and boundary-setting. Workable solutions are readily available, in family situations as well as business concerns (Capricorn) vs. personal matters (Cancer). The key is to be patient, and do your best to not take things personally.
What are your plans for the Fourth of July weekend? Is there an aging family member who could use a friendly visit? Lending your ear may be all that’s needed, or doing a practical chore such as cleaning the house or making a meal before watching fireworks. Like Sam Horn’s friend did, you may want to peruse an old photo album together that brings back good memories. And if it’s you who needs a little comfort right now, don’t stuff those feelings down and put on a stiff upper lip (which Capricorn is famous for). Call a friend or relative for support. No matter what’s up for you at this Full Moon, lean into empathy and cultivate proactive grace. Even your smallest efforts can make a big difference for someone else.
Ellen McPherson says
This post and share validate my current emotional situation. Thank you. I will move forward with consciousness and grace.
Simone Butler says
You’re so welcome, Ellen! Many blessings to you.
Maribel says
What a wonderful article, I could totally relate to the man and his mother. A very dear friend of mine also became a litany of complaints as she neared her end. I love that “she didn’t have anything else to think about” That was the case of my dear friend who I would persistently think up new things to amuse and interest her , taking her mind off her woes. She began to smile more and more – so rewarding! Now she is gone, and still smiles from ‘above” when I talk to her!!!
Simone Butler says
She was very lucky to have a friend like you, Maribel! Full Moon blessings to you.