When two people have compatible Moons (or flowing aspects between one’s Moon and another’s planets), astrologers say that this will be a comfortable relationship, with plenty of shared sympathies and intuitive understanding. The Moon describes what we want from family life and the way we like to be at home. Venus and Mars charge our relationships with passion. But for day-to-day compatibility—whether we like to hang up our clothes or leave them in scattered piles on the floor—this is the province of the Moon. When Moons are compatible, people say things like “I’ve always felt so at home with Bob” or “The minute I met Janine, it’s like we’d known each other forever.”
If only the relationship stayed that way! The longer we’re together, the more time we have to discover each Moon’s secret hallways and trapdoors, so that what once was familiar and attractive can become irritating and strange. I’ve had three relationships with men whose charts had a common lunar signature. One had a Virgo Moon, the others 6th house Moons. I have a Virgo Ascendant; the attraction is understandable. A man will often seek a woman to embody the traits of his inner Moon. My men initially loved the way I did Virgo, smart and organized, health-conscious, analytical, and self-possessed. What a miracle it was to realize we agreed on everything. We were so alike!
But in each relationship, it wasn’t long before I found myself being accused of bad behavior. They said I was judgmental, picky, and unsupportive, all shadow Virgo traits. In my twenties, with my first husband, this was probably a fair complaint. I was only my Ascendant then. During the ten years of my next relationship, with the help of a mountain of books and a couple of therapists, I worked earnestly to whittle this mask away. I learned that men didn’t like to be criticized (Oh!). I developed new tolerance and patience. I dialed up the fun of my Leo Moon and reveled in the adventurousness of my Sagittarius Sun. When I entered the next relationship I was thrilled to finally be a different woman. But four months into our love affair, on one dark and very long night, I heard those familiar words: “I think you’re judgmental, critical and negating.” I was floored.
A friend of mine has a saying: “If ten men say you’re drunk, lay down.” Perhaps, despite the prior ten years of inner and outer work, I was still nothing more than my critical Virgo Ascendant. But strangely, each time this accusation was hurled, I felt that my critical, judgmental lover was negating me! So who was doing the Virgo really? Was it their Moon–or my Ascendant? And why did I keep attracting men with this sensitivity?
After two decades of working with clients and their Moons, I’ve learned that such questions are not easily answered. But here’s a good starting point: When your Moon’s reflective light enters a relationship, expect to find yourself walking through a house of mirrors.
excerpted from my Living Planets eBook